Prohibited Steps/Changing schools

[mumtobealloveragain]

Something from the past has been dragged up by DP's ex today and now it's been rethought years later I can't help but think it was all wrong at the time and he got made to look like the bad guy/crap dad.

Basically, DSS was at a private day nursery when DP and his ex split. It was an expensive nursery and they always paid for the fees from their joint account where both their (relatively similar) salaries went into. After they split his ex refused to pay anything towards it. The nursery waited and waited but eventually told DP if he didn't pay it all he would have to leave. DP paid it all that month. The next month too all the while telling his ex he couldn't afford it. The third month he told ex he could no longer pay unless she helped. She refused. DP handed notice to the nursery.

Ex then when and took out a Prohibited Steps Order to stop DSS being removed from the nursery. She obtained it ex parte and DP got served the order. To comply with the order and not breach it he had to pay the full fees for the 3 months until he could take it back to Court. He and he ex shared

Poo. Posted accidentally...

Throughout the application his ex referred to the nursery as DSS's "school" such as "DP has unilaterally decided to remove him from his school". It wasn't a school, it was a nursery, childcare not attached to a school or part of a school or schooling at all.

She has been shouting today about how he's a shit dad and he even had to get a PSO against him so if he applied to Court (she's messing around with the arrangements) any Judge will see he's had this PSO and it will go against him.

Anyway, we mulled it over tonight and we both thing she should never have been granted it ex parte for a childcare setting especially given she refused to pay. We also bought perhaps DP should have just breached the order and told the Court why as he couldn't afford the fees alone. His ex got free childcare for months and is still gloating about it. I know it's all over and done with but I'm just interested in opinions? Bored this evening in case it wasn't obviously. Lol

Please don't lol

Please don't use "lol" do you mean?

Sounds like he was fine with it at the time and now he's looking at it with your eyes he thinks it's not right. It's in the past... It sounds like a stupid order yes but what can you do now?

What's that saying about knowing the difference between changing. The things you can and accepting the things you can't?

Agree with maud, dh did a lot of incredibly stupid things quite voluntarily to appease exw, took him years to figure out being a doormat earns you no respect from dc.

Loveineveryspoonful My DH did all kinds of ridiculous things at the start, including telling his ex that she and DD could stay in the marital home and he would pay the full mortgage and all bills.

He agreed to paying for all childcare (she doesn't work but still used childcare) and pay 20% of income, and continue contributing the same levels to their DDs savings, and had absolutely nothing in writing about when he would have contact, or any reduction in the 20% despite having DSD 50/50... I was very dubious about his intelligence (and that of his solicitor!) But he isn't a fool. He was just so bloody relieved to be out of there, and also blinded by the desire to do "the right thing" by his DD that he just accepted it and it wasn't until he started to build a life with me that he realised he'd signed away any future life at all by giving everything he had over to his ex who had zero desire to contribute financially to the child they had together.

It's mad, but they did these things knowingly...