lazypepper yes! Thank you. Having a blended family is so unlike anything else that only those who have been there can possibly understand and it's so good to get other peoples' viewpoint on it all. There are as many different ways of SPing as there are parenting, but one thing seems consistent - it is tough!
Back2Basics I agree, my DP doesn't live with me, but spends a lot of his (kid-free) time here. The fact that he has his own place too is a life-saver. I can't help thinking you'd be best off living separately for as long as you can!
Our DCs do get on well and we often have one night a week with them all together, mainly at my house, but sometimes at his. We go on holiday together etc but just having that safety valve, the potential for a couple of nights a week without anyone else in our space, really makes a difference.
Initially we would spend 3-4 nights with him here and then 2 nights at the weekend with us and all the DCs together - that was when the majority of our arguments happened. The DCs had had enough of each other by then, the novelty had worn off, the different parenting styles clashed and we'd all fall out.
It does DP and I good to have a night or two apart too - we appreciate each other more after having a chance to miss each other and we sometimes meet up for lunch dates on the days he doesn't stay the night.
I think there is pressure to be a 'nuclear' family(from ourselves more than anyone else) with a man, woman and children all in one house. Actually I think a lot of married 'first' families might benefit from a bolt-hole where one parent could go and have a night away once a week, with or without the DCs.
I do miss my DP when I don't see him for a night or two, but I think that keeping the domestic drudge out of our relationship by having our own homes, finances, time with DCs etc means less potential for arguments.