HELP! Mad ex-wife - advice needed!

[catemary]

Hello, I'm hoping someone has a similar experience to mine and can help! Myself and my lovely fella are both divorced, I have 2 girls, he has 1, we all get on fantastically but his ex wife is mad, insane, loopy! Over the last year she has done everything possible to make our lives hell, including getting my partner arrested (though luckily the police realised she was nuts as well), getting solicitors letter's about the most minor of things (including asking for the whereabouts of her daughter's school socks)sending texts at all hours, oh the list is endless. She has tried to totally cut her daughter's contact with her paternal grandparents and makes our contact time as diificult as possible but expects us to act as a babysitter when she needs something. We laugh at is much as we can and I've recently had my solicitor deal with it but she just finds more subtle way of getting at us. We're getting married next year and I really want my future stepdaughter to be a bridesmaid but I have no idea how to approach any of this. Any suggestions?

Don't know, I have no advice, but much sympathy for you.

Seems she's not the one that instigated the split?

i think it isreally difficult in these situations. When you look at from the other persons point of view, sometimes you can get a deeper understanding of why she is doing this?

Good Luck though

It must be a very tricky time for you

No, she didn't instigate the split, though she admitted that the split was her fault as well as his - the marriage had been pretty non-existent for some time. I think the root cuase is jealousy as she hasn't found anyone else and he has. Which I can sympathise with, but not easy when you're on the receiving end!

I can understand how she feels, I can see where she's coming from,I just hat the effect it has on the children, her daughter in particular.

There really isnt alot you can do about it, other than to be the great stepmum to be that you seem to be and be there for his daughter as much as yours I guess.

I think you've just got to carry on as you are, being calm etc, and wait for her to come round. And she will come round.

Thanks for that! I do have a great relationship with my stepdaughter and she has always ignored all the bile her mother has directed at me so I guess I'm lucky! She's a very strong minded kid fortunately!

Hello catemary
My advice to you would be to IGNORE HER!! She'll get the message eventually.

Avoid situations where you have to speak to her face to face - at contact times try and say as little as possible especially in front of the child during pick up and drop off times. In fact if you have to speak to her, be ultra-nice try saying "Hiii, how are you" really exaggerately or "You're looking well" or "Lovely jacket/skirt, etc, colour suits you" - that sort of thing - it will throw her off guard!

Secondly - you can block her number so that she can't text you, ditto for e-mails and leave your answering machine on to screen your landline calls - or get caller display.

Lastly when she asks you to babysit you could again try reverse psychology and say "No problem" or "it's always a pleasure having her round with us" or "sure we're looking forward to it, the more the merrier". What she is trying to do is get your attention and disrupt your time with her ex. The more she feels she is inconveniencing you, the more she will do it. Basicially she is acting like a just like a toddler and until she is ready to engage with you all as a responsible adult, you may have to take those steps to get some peace.

As for the wedding - I guess as your partner was married to her, he has joint parental responsibility and as such, it is up to him to decide with his daughter and you what happens during your contact times - so if your wedding can co-incide with a time when your stepdaughter would be visiting anyway there should be no need to ask the ex for permission or approval.