Poor DP's ex....

[MsColour]

Had to wait until today to speak to dss because she tried to phone at 10.30 yesterday and asked dp to phone back within the hour but we were in church so he didn't phone back and she couldn't possibly find another time that day to speak to him and texted to tell us how upset she was.

And then today, we didn't answer the phone immediately when she called (an hour before the pre-arranged time) because we didn't see the phone.

Then tomorrow she has to wait until 4 o'clock to see him (an hour before the pre-arranged time).

And we wouldn't change the film we went to see today - she wanted to take him to see that film (we were just meant to know that - she didn't mention it until we did).

And we won't pay half of his clothes - despite us agreeing a couple of weeks back that she would keep all the child benefit and pay for clothes etc. whilst we cover childcare and everything he does whilst here.

She wants to sit down and have a conversation with dp as all this is upsetting her apparently - I so want to just turn round to her and tell her how lucky she is and to thank her lucky stars she doesn't have to put up with the crap I have to deal with from my ex.

I probably come across as a complete bitch in this post but I am fed up with the emotive texts and the constantly trying to get her own way. Dp takes time out of his business daily to do all the school runs. On her days dss is dropped off at her work so she doesn't even have to think about childcare. DP doesn't get full weekends with his son because she insists he can't have Sundays (unless she's got something better to do!). This is one of the few times we get dss for any sort of extended length of time.

And as for the money, DP is trying to get his business off the ground so everything is quite uncertain so we are depending on my part time wage as regular income which is supporting five of us. I get no maintenance from my ex. She's not on her own and it's not like she doesn't have the money and they are only supporting one child.

Sorry - needed to rant somewhere where people might understand.

Sorry about your situation.

No real advice other than remain firm, and she will soo. Get the message :) x

You have my sympathy hun as my dp's ex is a fricking nightmare too!! It is ALL about how hard life is on her and how she has no time to cut toe nails, administer medicines, check for and treat headlice etc She refused to let us have the kids this coming summer for a 3 week block cos she would "miss" them sonwe are having 2 weeks and then a week later on and the 3rd week of the block we wanted she is packing them off on camp now with st John - so much for missing them!!

For her they are a pawn and a way to get at my dp (inspite of fact she was shagging about behind his back and kicked him out)

I find hood friends to have an occasional wine and character assassination evening with helps a lot!!!

She started again yesterday. Dss is back with her but feels like we have no space. Fed up with her expecting dp to be there whenever she has the smallest problem.

I share your frustration.

It's stressful, especially if the children are young and you feel that you're doing the right thing for them.

I got advice on here about saying no, and the conversation stopping there. It really does work, eventually.

Easier when the kids are older, organise themselves and can communicate with other parent directly.

Re the holiday type problems, maybe explaining what you'd like to do and how the children would benefit, and if she still says no aske what they'd be missing if they went with you?

At the end of the day though, you can't win them all!

Does your husband/partner not pay any maintenance ?

No. We have dss half the time and cover all childcare.

DP has suggested to her that maybe a once a week conversation/e-mail about any issues might be a way forward instead of all the constant texting.

I got really wound up yesterday as we were trying to have some time to ourselves - something we rarely manage in term time as we are so busy and our one free day got ruined by her having a go at him. I know she isn't going away and issues have to be dealt with but I would just like some boundaries.

The once a week email sounds like a good idea