Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Struggling with I idea of only one child

38 replies

TheMumsRush · 10/02/2014 21:18

I have a 13m ds. Two dsc. My dh is looking into getting the snip as he is 100 % he's done having children. At first I was ok with this, hat a bad pregnancy, nearly died during emcs and a difficult first year. But now, after I realise I put way too much pressure on myself, I know I'd love to have another and would handle it differently. Can't help feeling like I'm going to regret this, I'm mid 30 's so not much time, but I know he won't budge. Lucky him with three kids

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

croquet · 11/02/2014 11:02

Yes.
I am just sympathising as personally I couldn't go along with it.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 11/02/2014 11:13

Thanks croquet, we have our moments but I love him and wouldn't want to be without him (most of the time)

OP posts:

Tuckshop · 11/02/2014 11:22

It was only when dsd came to live with me that I realised that only having dd to focus on had been a good thing! I was thrown in the deep end, but it took a different mind set to be looking after 2 children instead of 1.

It's not like your ds won't have siblings, he already has them. I realised it was a best of both worlds situation - dd has a sibling, I was also able to give her all my attention.

I'd still have loved a second baby but I'm no longer sad about it, I'm happy how things worked out.

Lottystar · 11/02/2014 11:23

Even if your dh has said one child all along, it doesn't stop that burning broodiness in you. It's natural. It's a hard thing for a woman to explain to a man. It may dwindle with the years but there may always be regret. Would you resent your dh if you could never have another baby? Honestly? I'm just pregnant with my third and my husband needed a little encouragement, now he is utterly on board. Whilst your dh is firm on his decision does he really grasp how important this is for you? He shouldn't associate your needs with his ex' or his decisions in the past, that is not fair on you. You have your ds and you will find every fulfilment in him but I think you should still have a heart to heart with your dh. Tbh, I think the step children are not so much the issue as the age gap is so large between them and your ds it will be years before there can be any bond.

Anniegoestotown · 11/02/2014 11:50

I have 2 dc and they would rather have each other than be an only. They would prefer to go without stuff and have more siblings but sadly I am too old.

Have you told your dh that it is all very well and good that he says the dsc will play with ds when it is quite clear from what you have written that they do not play with him now.

Siblings are more than just children that your child plays with they are someone your dc can turn to.

Also why is he asking you to move to be nearer to his dsc and exp?

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 11/02/2014 12:05

he wants to see them more and be more help to exp if they are sick, and to be able to attend school things when they pop up

It's not just about a play mate for ds but the relationship he will miss out on that i'm sad about. I am very close to my db and ds, as is dh to his ds.

OP posts:

Tuckshop · 11/02/2014 12:13

Why do you think he won't get that with his half-siblings?

benid · 11/02/2014 12:19

Hey themumsrush.. just chipping in to say that I am an only child and never felt the lack of a sibling during my childhood. I had lots of friends from school as a pp has said, and have a great relationship with my parents. Your child's life won't be better or worse with/without a sibling.. just different.

generousfdudgy · 11/02/2014 12:28

I would certainly have a talk about it and be really honest. I have 3 DSCs and one DD and adore them all. We have 50:50 and there is a big age gap . I do wish I had had another child. My DSCs always moved as a group from home to home and my DD misses them when not here. But is slighly on the outside if you know what I mean as a sibling because is the only one that isnt with them full time. We have pretty successfully negotiated this (eg not even DSCs mum would refer to my DD as half sister..always your sister) but I still feel a little sad for DD being just that little bit out of step. I am aware reading back that I havent explained this properly..but have PMT and cant string a sentence together today!

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 11/02/2014 12:30

Tuckshop, because he hardly sees them,

OP posts:

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 11/02/2014 12:32

Thanks gen, thanks everyone

OP posts:

Kaluki · 11/02/2014 12:32

I have two brothers and two stepbrothers
One brother and I haven't spoken for about 5 years and the other one is abroad somewhere. The stepbrothers and I get on but aren't close at all. So I might as well have been an only child.
The sibling bond isn't always there - I am closer to my friends and cousins than any of my siblings.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 11/02/2014 12:38

I tell you what, after ds's performance this morning, I may be quite happy to stop at one!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2