DSc and new baby

[flowerpotgirl12]

I know before I write this it will come across badly so please try not to flame me. I have 2 disc who I get on well with, they're nice kids and generally have no problems with the exception of the ex and some of his family, all been quite smooth sailing.

However I have literally just had my first baby (10 days ago) and I know this is awful but I am really dreading them coming down for the weekend, also we have them for a week in few for half term. I am tired but loving being a new mum but the thought of having 2extra kids to look after and clean up after is something I am really dreading, me and our baby only came out of hospital a week ago and still trying to feta routine for both of us established.

Obviously I would never tell my dh how I feel but I just want for a little while to be the 3 us. I know this is not possible and before I get cries of I'm a bitch, I need to know how to get over how I am feeling, as I don't want to resent them coming.

Congratulations. I think you need to tell you dh how you feel. I wouldn't use the words that you don't want them to come, but I can't see any reason why you need to be doing extra cleaning or running round. That is down to your dh.

I wouldn't try to delay them coming, if you do then your step children may resent you and your baby and could cause more problems in the future. Just make sure your dh knows that you will be sat back feeding your little one, and enjoying watching the baby meet his siblings while he does all the running about.

Agreed, you need to talk to your DH. You can't reasonably stop them coming but you can ask your DH to manage most of their care. If your DH is working and it's practical, maybe ask some of his family members to help out with the SC too.

I had a lo a few months ago, DH had to go back to work after 2 days and we had DSD for the half-term. I asked his parents to come and stay primarily to look after DSD - they took her out during the day time and I stayed home with bub. OK, it meant on top of DSD I had the in-laws staying but I made it clear (to DH) that I wasn't cooking / cleaning up after everyone and DH sorted out the evening meals out, albeit with take-outs most nights!

Congratulations, enjoy your lo. x

Congratulations!

As the others have said.

Make it very clear to your DH that you need help and support. This is a very special time for the family with a new DC coming into it. I know exactly how you feel as I had dcs stay with us 1 day after coming out of hospital ( for 2 weeks) after a v difficult birth. However we were adamant that we didn't want dcs to feel pushed out and for their routine to change. You must speak up and set expectations with your DH otherwise you risk your concerns building up and the inevitable consequences of that at some point in the future

Having dcs around so soon after was difficult, I won't lie, but worth it to see the dcs faces on seeing their siblings. Thankfully it has all worked out well for us send they adore each other ( at the moment!)

Hope all goes well. Enjoy your new baby.

I normally do the cooking, laundry, bathing and bed-timing when my DSS is here, too. When our baby is here though, I will expect OH to step up a bit in looking after his son. His job is high pressure but so is having a newborn.

I don't think you need to feel bad for asking him to help with your DSC. It won't make you a wicked step mother - even if you had older children of your own rather than step children then it would be natural for you to be feeling a bit concerned about coping with them all. Maybe also thinking of ways you can get them to keep themselves entertained for periods might be a good idea? Something like a big box of Lego would keep my DSS occupied for ages!

It's not unreasonable to feel that way. I felt the same when I had our first dc, she was a very bad sleeper due to reflux and is was dreading the extra work of dsd.

You need to tell your DH how you're feeling, not that you don't want his DCs to come but that you need him to help more while they're with you.

WRT half term does your DH usually take time off or are you left to look after the dsc? If he usually works then this time he needs to have the time off and do everything for them (and you).

Thanks all, the kids are excited to meet their new brother so would never have tried to cancel. Just feel really protective of this time. My dh is off this weekend so will leave it up to him, his family I don't get on with and I know they will be round to see the disc, which I am also dreading.

First of all, congratulations,

This was me last year, I had ds at the beginning of jan. I also felt the same as you. I wasn't looking forward to the extra work but more than that

Mums rush, I think that's exactly it, the new family bubble, which is awful cause I know I should include his kids in that.

Congratulations. Let your dh do EVERYTHING for the dsc, don't lift a finger.

Good luck with it - I think it's quite acceptable btw for you as a new mother to just shut yourself away for periods of time to catch up with some sleep - including when you have DSC or relatives over. Let your DH host them, let them play with the baby and get a bit of rest. Or take the baby upstairs with you and explain saying that you're going to settle it for a rest, and enjoy a bit of quite time for cuddling/feeding/sleeping leaving your DH or his relatives to entertain the DSC.

You don't come across badly at all, I completely empathise and understand - I am a first time mum of a now 9 month old and a step mum to 3 teenagers. Before my baby was born I did speak to my partner about it as I didn't know what else to do, and I felt really strongly that I needed some space, for myself and for the three of us. We agreed on having a week to ourselves and he spoke to the children about it. They came to the hospital so met their brother the day after he was born which I think made a big difference and then we saw them again a week later. I think it's completely natural to want to have some space and time, child birth and being a mum for the first time are incredibly intense and personal experiences and if there are any times in our lives where we can justifiably be a bit demanding, well this is our time! Not so sure how it's supposed to work 9 months on when you're still finding step parenting at the same time as new mumming a bit of a struggle but from reading the posts on here, looks like I'm not alone which is reassuring

congratulations, and don't let worrying about this distract you. Agree with the posters above that as long as your DH does all the caring for DSCs (including taking them out to cinema in evenings etc) then it will be ok xx