Dp and I would love him to adopt our dd

[dildoos]

I have the most amazing 5 year old and her and my dp have a gorgeous relationship . He is her hero! Her bio father left 3 years ago and has not seen her for 2 and 1/2 years , we went for mediation 2 year ago to discuss access and he never arranged the proposed time , place and how contact was to resume as discussed to show his commitment to her and has not contacted since!
She used to discuss him but now calls do her daddy.
We have had her known as his name and I changed mine so we all hVe the same surname which is lovely but dp and I would like him to adopt her but know out of spite her bio father would say no even though he doesn't bother with her any more.
Does anyone have any advice on where we stand or similar situation?

Seems quite early to me. You've not been in a relationship with this man for very long.

I'd let her get older and make this choice herself personally.

Does sound a little early. My dad didn't adopt me til I was 10ish and he was on my life from the age of two

My husband has raised my youngest since he was 2.. he's nearly 7 and his sperm dude sees him once a month and laughs when I ask for child support.

I would like to know how to do adoption without permission also.

DH adopted my daughter when she was 7 after knowing her from when she was 4. We were married nearly 2 years before DH adopted DD. It took just over a year to go through the legal formalities/social services procedures so she was around 6 when we decided it would happen.

DD has no contact with her biological father and although consent was sought during the process by social services and not given in time for the actual court hearing the judge ordered parental responsibility be terminated during that hearing and that the adoption should go ahead.

DH and DD's relationship is just like any other parent/child relationship and the adoption has rarely been mentioned since it happened in 2008. We are just a normal family.

If you plan to pursue it your first port of call should be social services enquiring about step parent adoptions. Good luck!

I am in almost the exact same position as you OP. My DP (now husband, we married four months ago) has been in my DD's life for almost two years. Her biological father has had no contact and has made no effort to contact us with the exception of a Christmas card this Xmas just passed (a card which included no contact details whatsoever) for two years and three months. We recently had a meeting with a solicitor regarding my husband gaining parental responsibility of DD, an action which we would hope would act as a stepping stone toward adoption at a much later date. Unfortunately we cannot afford the solicitor's fees or the court fees. My father offered to pay the solicitor as a one time thing, however if PR does not get approved and we have to appeal we are not in a position to do so financially. DD does not call my husband 'Daddy', nor has she ever, except by accident a few times recently. We in absolutely no way suggest or force her to call him 'Daddy' either, we believe in letting her make her own decision. However she does not ask about her biological father, nor does she ask about 'Daddy' in any context whatsoever. We want to go for PR in the event that anything should happen to me, her mother, but if the courts insist on having her biological father's consent, I am faced with three problems. The first being that I do not have any way to contact him, the second being that he will 99.9999% say NO just to be spiteful, despite displaying absolutely no interest in his daughter for over two years now, the third of course being the financial implications. Whilst I cannot offer any advice or wisdom, I do sympathise and hope you find a happy outcome that benefits your family, but most importantly your child. A mother always knows whats best for her child.

I would wait until she is old enough to decide, I also don't agree with changing a child's name from the one on the birth certificate. I still have lots of issues from my childhood about these topics though.

My mum tried to force us to be adopted by my step dad when I was a child. I was a bit older than your dd and refused my brother was 6 and was adopted without really understanding, he was fine at the time and very angry about it as an adult.

ThAnkyou all for you advices.

My worry too pizza is should something happen to me my dd would automatically be taken away from the man she has decided to call daddy and be placed with bio father who would keep her away from my family her grandparents , aunts , uncles and of course the man who loves, cares , financially supports her. They would all be heartbroken and I have night mares were I see her sobbing for her daddy and she doesn't remember him or never met his family as they were never interested ( his mum an alcoholic and his dad who was lovely but too wrapped up in how many men he could seduce and forgot he actually had children that cared for him!)

Dp has been on seen just over 2 1/2 years since she was 2 1/2 , we were only on our own 6 months and I met my dp ( unintentionally ) after vowing no man would ever good enough for her , but he adores her every move even to the point he wanted to see her dad and say what he is missing and how could he not see her? I was going to go on a holiday in the half term with her whilst dp at work and he begged me not to take her as he worried she would think he abandoned her too ( bless him)
My heart goes out to everyone in a similar situation and all that maybe had dads who made mistakes not getting to know them !
X

Sorry to bear bad news but (if you are in the UK) I don't think a court will allow adoption when the birth father is still alive. Wanting to create a new family with new partner is now not seen as a good enough reason to sever all ties with birth dad and cut him from your DD's life (no matter how absent he has been).

You can set up something via a solicitor with regards to who looks after DD if you should die I think.

Hope you sort something out.

Thanks miss for your knowledge on it.
Is this like a will? I would sleep better knowing something in place for her should something happen.

www.gov.uk/child-adoption/adopting-a-stepchild

There is some information for you here on the current situation regarding step parent adoption.

He could get PR without the formal adoptionA step-parent can be granted Parental Responsibility by entering into a formal agreement with all other parents with Parental Responsibility (most likely the birth mother and birth father) or by making a separate application to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order. The court regularly grant step-parents Parental Responsibility as they recognise the important role that step-parents play in children’s lives and understand how important it is for such a party to have responsibility when the children are in their care on a regular basis.

Thats my exact fear as well OP... if I pop my clogs then my youngest would be handed over to his dad who can't cope with his SN. My husband can.

No way his bio dad would agree to any kind of agreement any which way... which i'm gathering is the same case for you?

SparkleSoiree's description of a successful adoption mirrors my own experiences. I'd just add that the process is very similar to any other adoption. That means you will be interviewed and assessed by a social worker, to see if you are a suitable mother. Very strange, when you are already the child's mother!

Also, you will have to sign away your rights as birth mother, in order to free the child for adoption. The final stage is that you and your partner jointly adopt the child.

If you are seeking to create a legal relationship between your DD and your partner, do you not think it would be sensible to first create a legal relationship between you and your partner?

Stepparents do have some rights in law to have contact and residency with their DSC, it really is worth a chat with a legal advisor to find out where you stand. The situation varies depending on whether or not you are married, too!

It is NOT in a DCs best interests to be placed with an unknown adult, all be it one who they are biologically related to, while grieving for their primary carer. Social Services and the court will not do this unless there is no alternative.

What LadyMud descrbies is no longer the case, the legal process has changed so the birth mother no longer has to sign rights away

There will be an assessment by social services and you have to be okay with that

gamerchick in your situation with your son seeing his father 12 times a year, unless the father consents, I honestly cannnot see any court granting an adoption. You can check but I think you need to investigate the alternatives

dildoos I have no idea whether or not you have a strong application, but for more information about the process of adoption, this leaflet describes a bit more of what happens and can point you to more resources

I'm really pleased to hear that part of the process has changed, Lilka. It was most unpleasant, and made me feel really sad for all the mothers who have given up their children for adoption by others

ThAnkyou lilka