AIBU about DSS illness?

[chocoholic21]

DP and I have been having a few problems recently and I'm really not sure if I am BU so would appreciate some outside views.

I have a DD (4) who lives with us most of the time. She's meant to go to her dads EOW but more often than not he is too busy. DP has a DS (7) who stays EOW.

DD and DSS can get on really well but sometimes don't mainly due to DP's Disney parenting.

I had lots planned this weekend and told him what I wanted to do with DD, asked him if he had plans or if he wanted to join in some of ours. He wanted to join in some, so we adapted them to suit all the DC and others he didn't want to. All fine.

DSS turned up and DD asked if he wanted to play something and he said no. Fine-she played on her own. Later she asked him something else and he got cross and said to leave him alone as he was ill. He said he hadn't been to school that day and needed medicine. DP and I were both in the kitchen and I said is that right? He said yes but he was fine now. I was a bit annoyed as I think he should have said something to me. DD has not been well recently with various things and I am very careful about keeping her healthy so as not to make things worse for her. DP knows this, but assured me he was absolutely fine. I took the chance to reiterate that if like to know if any of the DSC are not well so I can make decisions/change plans to protect DD. He said of course.

The next day we do separate things and when we meet up when we get home I see some calpol on the side. I ask why it's out and DP said he bought it while he was out as DSS looked a but peaky. I said he seemed fine which was good as DD and DSS needed to share a room that night and we'd have to squeeze them in another way otherwise. He said yes and then walked out of the room. All ok....DCs all went to bed. I was tidying up in the kitchen and went to put the calpol away and found the spoon inside all sticky and the bottle open, which means DP did give some to DSS!

He confronted him about it and he said it wasn't a big deal, just a cold and he knew if over react and didn't want the fuss (his plan obviously didn't work as he's got more than a fuss now) I was so cross and said that I have a right to know what's going on in my house so I can protect my DD.

I know it might seem like a small things but if he can't even say something like that to me, what does that mean? I'm so cross and disappointed and I'm not sure how to tackle it now to avoid anything else like this happening again. Or do you think IABU and over reacting? Sorry it's so long.....

You say in your OP that you noticed the calpol whan you got home. Home from where ? Not a public place presumably ?

I always think this is actually where a blended family can benefit from not spreading infection between each other. The kids have the great advantage of having two homes.

Except many parents refuse to see having two homes as advantageous and ignore the benefits.

My ds has been expected to mix with his sick step siblings because a few hours contact is seen as a higher priority to the PARENTS (the child normally doesn't mind missing contact because they're ill and just want to be left alone, not put in scar and driven to the other parents). My ds health is secondary. Of course, it won't be my dp or my dp ex who will look after ds or phone school or take responsibility when ds picks up the infection.

Excellent post Redhen - children are generally quite ok about tweaking access arrangements, it's the parents who are really anal about it!!!!

OMG, Monet - this isn't a fucking police interview! The Op may have had to go shopping, FFS! Leave her alone!

Jeez.

Ha ha! That's what I thought Thumb

my EXH used to enforce visits when the children were unwell, my daughter had a serious blood disorder when small for one, and I had to start saying no on these occasions because I used to say ok but take them straight home keep them warm etc etc but he used to totally ignore me and drag them around all the family for hours instead... Some men are just useless

It sounds as if your DP doesn't take your DD's health problems as seriously as you do. Understandably you don't want to go into details on what they are, but as we don't know what they are it's hard for anyone to really say whether you are over-reacting or he's being blasee and uncaring for her.

As to whether your DSS should not have come if he is ill, or whether you and DD should go to your parents for a weekened - that too depends on how ill she is, and also on whether your DP views his time with his DS as shared parenting or just visiting. I wouldn't tend to cancel even visits to grandparents or anyone just for a cold - but if your DD does have really serious health issues then I guess it's a bit different. I would have thought she should have a bedroom to herself in that situation - even if that means DSS in with you, or in the living room.

It was a simple question. I'm confused about the severity of the illness. Why the need for the hysterics ?

If you are unclear about the nature of the OPs DDs illness, then asking directly avoids the risk that you will be considering to be goading - which is against the talk guidelines.

The way you asked the question could be interpreted as an attempt to discredit the OP. if you don't believe a post, the best thing is not to reply - being selective about which parts of a post you believe is as futile as being dishonest on a forum in the first place, isn't it?

Frog are you reading a different thread to me ? If the OPs DDs illness is so severe that she cannot interact with any other family member or member of the general public, is totally housebound and doesn't go to school because of the possible risks of infection, then her partner is being totally unreasonable.
If the OPs DD can have contact with other family members, or anyone else who may or may not be brewing an infectious illness, then I can understand why her partner thinks it's perfectly reasonable not to cancel contact with his child.

If that opinion offends you, then I suggest you examine your own agenda and attutudes.

Nope. Your opinion doesn't offend me at all - now you have been open about it rather than make snide remarks.