DPs ex says my children and I aren't allowed around his kids

[smuggler]

Dp has a 6 and 7 year old. I have a 7 year old and we have a 19 month old together. Dp and I have been together for 5 years, I wasn't the OW. Before his dc started school we had them up to 80% of the time. It then vastly reduced and eventually stopped just over a year ago. Dp tried to resolve things but his ex moved and ignored all communication until 4 months ago when dp started court proceedings. He's been seeing them alone three times per month since then and their relationship is feeling strong again. The dsc have asked about us constantly but I've been of the opinion that dp needs to rebuild his relationship first and needs to secure contact via court so the children aren't all upset by being separated again.

They have a court date at the end of Feb where contact will hopefully be defined and we can then all get together again. However, when dp picked them up yesterday his exW kicked off as she was convinced he was taking them to meet up with us. The dsc were excited about that prospect but their mum said they're not to see us ever again They got on great with my dd and we were close and while I can understand that's difficult for her when she's alone as her relationship with the OM broke down, it isn't fair on anyone to say dsc can only see dp alone indefinitely. I know realistically she has no say who they see once the court order is in place, but with such a history of contact blocking I'm worried she'll do it again/move/do whatever she can to punish dp for being with us.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Anyaadvice?

She can't and she has no right to stop you seeing them. This is really unfair. Have there been any issues between you and them or is she just being controlling?

Yup - I've been there, and DCs were older so began to repeat their Mums demands and refuse to remain in the house if I was here.

I've absolutely no advice - DH is currently in the middle of a court case initiated by his ex to prevent all contact. We've not seen the DCs for months and don't expect to anytime soon.

No issues at all. I expected dsc to abide by our rules here and they adapted fine to that. Their mum was outraged and tried telling them to say they wouldn't come if we made them follow rules/didn't buy them things etc but they were fine. She would even disrupt contact to collect them to take them puppy shopping

I think her issue is that she's worried she'll lose them to us. One of them wanted to call me mum and my daughter sister when younger but I gently discouraged it. When she came to collect them from me once her son was clinging to me and refusing to go with her. Again, I completely understand why it's hard for her but the children miss their dad and other family.

She has no leg to stand on, as an equal parent your DH can take his Dc to see whoever he chooses, just like she doesn't need to ask permission to have another man around them. He needs to bring it up at next court date and make sure she understands she has no control over who they spend their time with when in your dH's care.

He intends to fluffy but she's already begun to invent issues. I.e. Their daughter has been having anger management counselling. She's saying this is because dsd is furious that dp 'puts his other children before them.' this comes directly from her mum and has always been said but dsd was actually fine when with us.

It's an all to familiar script.

Sadly, my experience is that it is still all to easy for mums to cut their DCs dads out of their lives - fortunately, there is only a minority of mums who are prepared to damage their DCs in this way.

I suggest you keep your DSC at arms length; you and your DCs face years of heartbreak and rejection if you persist in trying to include them as family

Oh lord, the oh familiar "he thinks more of his other kids than ours..." Been there worn the T-shirt...

I have supported a friend through similar. She kept a record.

For example her DD is apparently having anger issues because her Df put his 'other family' first. Her argument is null and void when that's because she moved away and prevents them from seeing the other family 50% of the time.

Do you see what I'm saying? If you don't enter into argument she will tie herself up in knots creating an argument to the point she has no actual point to make.

Your DP sounds like a great father who is putting the needs of all his children as a priority.

I do suspect that as soon as the contact is court ordered and the children are reintroduced some imaginary issues will be bought up and contact stopped.

Precisely, youarewinning. We'd happily have the dsc to live with us if we could so he's hardly putting us first. She stopped contact but now constantly berates him for it having stopped! During phone contact his ds heard our toddler in the background and exW was livid saying now he's asking questions about her, that it proves her point that he treats us as more important as he couldn't have a conversation without it being interrupted by us

DH was asked by his ex to not let his kids with me in the room when he was on the phone to his DC...

As I also have a dd with my exH I sort of sympathise as it'd be annoying if it was the one bit of contact the dc had with their dad and our dd meant they couldn't talk or whatever. But she only said hello in the background. It's not like the dsc are going to forget she exists if they don't hear her and as long as our dc aren't disrupting the call I don't think dp should have to shut himself away to speak to them like they are a dirty little secret

youarewinning Problem is, the courts don't have the time to worry about whether an argument "makes sense" - they look at what the "status quo" is for the DCs, whether they are happy, and if there is any overt/significant abuse.

If the DCs haven't seen their Dad for a few months and say they don't want to, or that they're not bothered, then contact won't be enforced despite the long term damage that might do.

Frog's right, they don't really look at the bigger picture. Just what's best at the time for the DC involved in the application...no real thought for the extended children in the family and how it affects everyone overall. You're just expected to fit around what the court decides.

Although, by rights his children also have a right to know their sibling.

My friend and her DP must have been lucky then. In their case where the mum tried to argue they didn't take him out much, lack of care standards etc the courts took into account the fact the mum refused to send his OT issued wheelchair and aids making some care substandard to the care he needed. The solicitor also had copies of all the emails she had sent changing contact time and the abusive texts she sent the 1 time he had to cancel due to D&V. Although maybe the fact the young boy wanted to see his dad at his house and his baby brother odd also help.

It's so wrong when fathers who want contact may lose it or be limited because of game playing jealous mothers. I spent years trying to get DS father to pay and have contact.

OP I he it gets sorted. Sounds like a tough situation for you all.

winning I think refusing to allow your DC access to their wheelchair probably fits into the category of overt/significant abuse, to be honest.
It also helps if the NRP can afford legal representation - sadly, it's beyond the reach of many households.
My DHs ex breached the contact order repeatedly; we couldn't have afforded to pay the court fee for enforcement without defaulting on a mortgage/utility payment - legal representation costs the kind of money we can only dream of!

Fortunately, DHs ex was so determined to prevent contact that she applied to court herself (despite repeatedly pleading poverty to DH/DCs herself) - so the only expenses that we are incurring is paper/photocopying (lots of it) travel to/from court and my lost business income (and only then because I want to support DH, not because I have to be there).