Bedtime for young skids??

[luckyoldme]

Please forgive me if I waffle on. My partners 5yr old does not go to bed until daft o'clock (he has her all weekend, every weekend). I think its really important kids have a set routine and we know she doesn't have one at home but still he should try to set one for her at his? She then gets in bed early morning/middle of night with him and they have a lay in!! The times I am talking about are bedtime earliest 10:30, latest gone way past midnight. Am I just being a cow?

P.S. they can still be in bed gone midday

I've just had this discussion with my dh, my 7y dsd now goes to bed at 9 (and stays in her bed). I know it's the weekend but it's important as I need wind down time, and the kids need to be ok for the next day and whatever we are doing,

Well this is it we need adult time and like you say wind down time. I think its really wrong to continue the bad routine her mum has set. I think its bad parenting on both sides

My 10 year old has a bedtime of 9.30pm at weekends (later if we are out/special occasion). 10.30pm sounds too late for a 5year old

My 5 & 8 year old go up to bed for 8, then read/ quite play in bed. Until 8.30ish. Maybe a little later on a weekend. But depends on how we are feeling. They always bloody get up at 7 on a weekend.

No way I'd want that. You deserve adult time.

10:30 is the earliest. Latest that I know of is 1am and there was no particular reason for it.

When dsd says "well at mums house we..." I say to her different places have different rules, kid understand that, they are normally just seeing what they can get away with.

My 10 year old still goes to bed at 8 some nights if she needs an early night! Not everyone is routine driven, I'm not particularly - dd's bedtime depends on what is going on that day, the next day, whether it's a weekend. But when she was 5 it would have been 7.30/8.00 or maybe a wee bit later at the weekend.

Quite how you will change that if neither mum nor dad are bothered about it - but in your shoes I'd be pushing for her to be in bed earlier. Not because I wanted adult time, but because it's what's best for her.

she needs more sleep than that

I think that's lazy parenting, and also gives you no nice adult time after the kids are in bed. I would put a 5 year old to bed by around 8pm even at the weekend. I pity her poor mother trying to get her up for school on a Monday morning.

Thanks all. Tried all the above. Its her mother that has set this routine. We know for a fact its half 10 on a school night. It is lazy parenting you are right purple. To my mind if he can't be arsed parenting her properly he shouldn't have her at all. Setting a routine is hard work but once its done its easy street.

That's going to be hard then - A child that isn't used to going to bed until 10.30pm in the week is going to find it difficult to sleep at 8pm at the weekend. Unless you have her for longer chunks of time it's going to be hard.

Is your DP able to speak to his ex to see if she could be persuaded to set an earlier bedtime? Has DSD just started school this year? Could your DP speak to the teacher and see if they could mention the need for routines at parents evening? Might be useful for him to know whether his DD is arriving in time in the morning or seems tired at school.

I think you are fighting a losing battle if your DP is happy with the situation as it is
My DSC never had bedtimes when I met DP in fact he used to go to bed when they crashed out!
I insisted when he moved in with me that all the kids go upstairs at 9 to read or watch DVDs and it's bed at 10. Luckily DP was in full agreement as we need some wind down kid free time in the evenings. I think it will change as they hit their teens though.

Thanks for sharing. Its doesn't just interfere its painful to watch. Its wrong on every level. Over xmas she was put to bed (although it being way too late) and it gone way past 1am before she went to sleep. This is how we know what her routine is. One night she even wet the bed (she does every night anyway) on purpose to get in bed with dad. I say on purpose because she kept getting up and put back to bed and 5 minutes later comes into our room to tell us.
To be honest I can't be arsed with it all. Am I awful for thinking that?

It's ridiculous not to have a set bedtime for young children.

Our nearly 5 yr old is in bed by 7am weekdays and usually 7:30 weekends unless we are out for dinner/at a friend's house etc.

I would definitely get your DP to speak to her mum. It can't be possible for her to be going to bed at midnight and getting up for school and ready to learn the next morning! He needs to speak to her teacher and ask if she is coming to school exhausted, this might carry more weight with her mum to get her to have a set bedtime for her.

He might be doing it as he only sees her at weekends and wants every minute with her but it'd bed much better for you all to have her in bed early and then up early ready to spend quality (day) time with you Sat and Sun.

As for wetting the bed every night. If she's wetting every night have you thought about letting her wear pyjama pants to save her getting wet and disturbed sleep? Or waking her to go to the toilet before you go to bed?

Thanks mumtobe. Yeah she gets 'lifted' before we go to bed but because of the late hour we are usually in bed not long after We have tried incentives, rewards etc nothing works. She eats crap all day, drinks loads of milk and is always ill. I make no wonder she is always at the doctors as just being kept up til all hours is going to make her poorly all the time isn't it? He won't speak to mum because he is scared of getting her back up and her withdrawing contact (although he won't admit that). I have even said if she were mine and I found out she was up til that time I would stop him seeing her. I think he sees a problem but refuses to do what's necessary. If I aren't there he lets her sleep in the bed which I personally think is an unhealthy habit and will only cause jealousy when I am back as the deliberate weeing the bed incident showed.
Along with other things I am at my wits end and am really considering just walking away. Feel so mean.

P.S. She has a lot of time off school too.

Her diet won't be helping the sleep situation.Could you not sit your dp down and take charge? It would benefit her enormously if she had good routine and diet even if its just at her dads.Lots of healthy food,lots of time out in the fresh air to tire her out and a decent bedtime.I take my dd for a walk a couple of times a day,even in the rain because I think fresh air does wonders for kids.
Parenting is hard but you have to put the work in.It's sad that you know this but her parents don't!

Thank you have yourself you sound very similar to me. I did all that when mine were little. I have 'taken control' in the past and it has produced immediate results so I know it can be done but now I work half the weekend so its harder for me to have any input. I find the whole situation unbearable especially bed sharing. I know some kids are more susceptible to picking things up but surely I aren't wrong in saying her bad diet and no routine are mostly to blame? I don't live there thank god because I don't think I could stand it!! LOL. I just wish he would pull his socks up.