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Step-parenting

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No longer a SP but thought I would update...

12 replies

louby44 · 25/01/2014 15:36

Well if anyone has followed my thread back in December you will know that after nearly 6 yrs together my P and I decided to go our separate ways. The split was initiated by me after his constant negativity towards my 2 DS - and that's putting it mildly.

I struggled through Christmas - my boys were with their dad Christmas eve/day and it was hard without them but I have a wonderful family who were very supportive. I had a great new year with some good friends.

January has been hard. We've had to live together in the house which has been very stressful. He refuses to lower the asking price as he wants as much equity out of the sale as he can. I sold the car as it was too large and expensive which he didn't like - but the car & finance was in my name and my solicitor says he doesn't have a leg to stand on regarding the car!

3 weeks after our split my exP met someone and has been seeing her ever since. She has 4 kids - the youngest of whom is 3/4. This has hurt me greatly and made a mockery of the past 6 years and his 'supposed' love for me. I'm disgusted by his behaviour to be honest. It's pathetic and further proof that he isn't the decent man I thought he was. What message is that sending to his own DD? Move from one relationship to another at the drop of a hat!

My 2 DS have been great, so supportive. they seem much happier and don't seem to squabble quite as much.

He is now making noises about moving out and renting somewhere closer to his work (and girlfriend probably). he has no friends here, never made any which is also strange! Infact he has NO friends really at all!

I have learnt a great deal about step-parenting/families/relationships and men over the past few years. I will never own property with a man again or take out any sort of financial agreement. I can't say that I will never live with a man again, as I may change my mind but I certainly wouldn't jump into it all so quickly.

Thank you for letting me post on here, so wish I'd found you sooner!

OP posts:
Theoldhag · 25/01/2014 15:44

Onwards and upwards louby

Sounds as though you are doing great, well done Thanks
As much as it hurts now you will get to a place of calm, sounds as though you have made a wise choice and one that your children are thankful for.

Take care of yourself and your dc's

caramelwaffle · 25/01/2014 16:49

Take care Thanks

allnewtaketwo · 25/01/2014 18:20

Good luck louby

WaitMonkey · 25/01/2014 19:28

Well done and good luck. Keep us posted with how you're doing. Thanks

newlifeforme · 25/01/2014 20:28

I admire you for being brave and protecting your sons.I completely understand why you feel like you will never be financially linked with another man.My relationship with h detoriated when we married and bought a house jointly.Its still early days, you will rebuild your life and it vwill be better and stronger,

It doesn't surprise me that you ex has moved on so quickly.Its a sign of his weakness and his inability to rely on himself.He will have learnt nothing and his behaviour will not change.As she has children the new woman should be on her guard as he will be the same to her.Think of the positives, he is more likely to agree a house sale which suits you.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Kaluki · 25/01/2014 21:19

Lousy you are well rid - I can't believe he has met someone already! Pity her - he will treat her and her kids the same appalling way he treated you and your boys.
I bet your dc are proud of you for this. They probably feel relieved and that's why they aren't squabbling as much. You sound very strong and brave.
Keep us posted - did you sort out the bedroom situation when your DSD stays over?

Kaluki · 25/01/2014 21:20

LOUBY not lousy
So sorry - bloody auto correct!!!!
Blush

louby44 · 25/01/2014 23:18

His DD haven't been here since Christmas.

So many people have said how strong I am to have walked away from a man I truly loved for my boys. I don't feel strong at all. I've often doubted my decision but at the end he didn't fight for me or our relationship - which says it all really. I miss him. He was my friend and as a couple we had some really wonderful times, but the elephant in the room were always my boys. I just got sick of walking on egg shells and making excuses for them.

He will be fine with a 4 year old. they don't answer back and they do as they're told don't they? Bizzarely my DS2 was 4 when we met! I just hope he's learnt from his relationship with me. I've never known such an angry, mixed up man!.

He reads a lot of what I put on here. He's very hurt by all I have said on MN - not my problem! If he doesn't want to feel hurt, don't read it! MN has helped me greatly, unbiased and supportive and many of you have given me a clear perspective and made me see that second best is not on! I was constantly waiting for him to change, he was the adult, but he never did.

it still hurts but ultimately I know I made the right decision.

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 25/01/2014 23:40

You have made the right decision and you are admired for it. Good luck.

entersandmum · 26/01/2014 02:09

Hope everything goes Ok in the future. Chin up, eventually you will find ' the One'.

louby44 · 26/01/2014 09:41

I don't know about finding 'the one' - I thought I had! I used to lie next to him and think how lucky I was to be with such a wonderful man and not have to search anymore.

OP posts:
TheMumsRush · 26/01/2014 11:38

Louby, thanks for the update. I really wish you all the happiness, you've been through so much. I wish his new gf luck too! You never know, we may meet her here! WineWineThanksThanks

Hope to hear from you in the future

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