Has your relationship with DSD stayed good if you've known them since babies?

[IHadATinyTurtle]

I've known DSD since she was 7 months old. Since 18 months we've had her every Sunday, and the past year Sat 5pm-Sun 5pm

She is now 4 and we get on great, she is very affectionate towards me, well behaved, polite, and generally a lovely child.

I've seen so many stories on here about older DSD being nightmares, resenting stepparents etc, and I was wondering if that is usually when they are a new part of DSC lives, or have you had similar situations to begin with but where the relationship has then gone downhill, and is there any tips to avoid that happening?

DSC I mean! Not just DSD's

Mine has always been good. Known them since 4.5 and 2. Had them much more than you but I don't think it makes a difference. Never tried to replace mum but been another loving adult seems to work!

Known my DSD since 2.2. She's now 7 and we have her every Friday after school until Monday morning school drop off. Her arrival on Friday nights (DP usually does school run) is often the highlight of my week. Love her to bits. Its definitely easier knowing them from babies/toddlers.

Known DSS from age 4, he will be 9 soon. We had a decent relationship from the start, and I honestly think it has got better as he has got older. No signs (yet) that he's about to turn on me, and I feel increasingly affectionate towards him the more I know him.

My DSD is nearly 9.5ys old. Known her since she was 8.5. She is lovely and from day one has never shown the slightest hint of resentment or been rude /cold towards me. Sometimes when we're having silly discussions she sides with me not DP. The last one made me howl with laughter, DP was complaining about shopping for something and DSD said 'well what do you expect when you've got a daughter AND a girlfriend - you'll just have to get used to it!'

I am hoping that I met her just in time. I am bracing myself for her to become more awkward maybe as she moves towards her teens tho! ...

I think it helps that BM has always been polite towards me (though what she may or may not say about me behind my back is another matter - have had no bad reports filtering through) and I have a huge amount of respect for BM too. It cannot be easy for her to drop off DD at what was once her home and see me there.

I think it is a general lack of hostility all round which seems to be key here.

I've been with my DH since my DSD was a baby and had regular contact with her since she was a toddler.

I suppose the fact that she's always known her Dad and I as a unit and has no memory of her parents being together is helpful; she doesn't question my place in her Dad's life and I think she'd probably be as disrupted as the children we have together if we ever split up.

My relationship with her isn't particularly difficult but it isn't wonderful either. I don't love her to bits.

The ongoing issues my DH has with her Mum and her Mum's influence on her behaviour make things difficult.

The other thing that made my relationship with her less than positive was my DH having her 50:50 and then working for the majority of the time she was with us. I ended up feeling like my DSD had 2.5 parents while our own children had 1.5 because so much of my time was spent dealing with DSD and / or her mother.

She isn't with us 50:50 anymore and things are better for it.

I was nervous about clicking here in case it was full of horror stories! So far so good with DSS, too (now 12) - I agree with Xalla, it is much easier if they have no memory of their parents being together. But even though DSS's mum hates me and makes it clear to DSS, he's never been rude or unpleasant. (She feels the same way about his Dad, so maybe he is just used to ignoring her?) It worried him a bit when he was younger.

On the other hand, DH and I got together when DD was 8 and they got on really well until she hit teenage years and then things were VERY difficult for a while. It didn't last, though, and they are very close again now (she's 19).

I think I read in the infamous Stepmooster book by Wednesday Martin, that if your potential DCs are of secondary school age it is a lot harder for them to accept new stepmothers, probably even more so for girls. DSS was 9 when we first got to know each other, old enough to not see me as a parent, old enough to have pre-divorce memories, but young enough to not have started puberty. I was lucky.

I think the biggest factor in how Good your relationship with the DSC is how your DP is with his children, does he get his children to treat you with respect? Is he a proper parent and not a Disney dad?

Then there is the ex and how they might use parental alienation, which you can do little about.