how much time do u blended families spend together?

[gingermop]

as 8n when dsc are with you how much time is spent all together as oposed you doing stuff with ur kids?

me and dp been together over 3 years, living together around a year, I hav 4 dc, 14, 11, 9 &5.
his dc are 11 & 8.

its all been a bit fairytale to start with, kids got on pretty well, hes close to mine and me to his.
he has eow contack fri to sun and 2/3 days a week for about 3 hours after school.
we usually do family day out/stuff together.

lately though its been mayhem, its like honeymoon period is over and its constant battle.
my 1 year old and his 8 year old fight constantly, his dd lives by his side wen here, to point of going to loo with him and sitting outside.

wen dsc r here it feels like dp has no time for anything other than his kids, the disney dad has started to appear, he says y shouldnt he spoil them rotten wen here.

to b honest its just not been a fun place the last few contact wknds, its me and mine and him and his.

we talked that wen dsc r over we will do things seperatly.
is the right though, surely we r a family and should do stuff together otherwise whats the point!
I know kids need 1 on 1 time with there dad and at present they do get that, for example last yime they were here they went sat morn swimming with dad and sun eve b4 home went for milkshakes and chat time.

iv rambled sorry, hope it makes sense?
basically whats point of being together blending families if dont all spend time together and we r 2 seperate families in one house

sorry for awful spelling

I think you need a balance really. Some stuff altogether, some stuff in your two "mini" families, and probably some other combinations as well - eg one to one time, taking whichever kids get on well and want to do whatever activity it is.

If things are fraught and difficult all toghether right now, then you need more time in different combinations I would think, rather than forcing the big family thing. It's nice when you've had some time apart to come back to being all together.

Ginger, I agree with purple. You need a balance. Too much one to one time with your kids and you risk showing then that you're not a new family unit which creates its own problems, too little time with own kids and you risk making your kids feel unimportant.

I made the mistake of thinking blended family meant one big happy family. It never happens.
We are two families. Me and my dc and DP and his. We do stuff together but we have our own time with our own dc. My dc are away every Friday night so DSC have from Friday evening until Saturday lunchtime at ours with no other dc. Then from Saturday until Sunday they are all together. We have holidays together and holidays apart too.
Its about balance.