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When DSC surprise you in the most innocent way...

10 replies

mrsdaisaku · 19/01/2014 17:22

This weekend has been a difficult one, dsd (7) has been very difficult with her attitude and behaviour, but I find it so much harder to cope with because I don't have that maternal softening or tolerance that you have for your own children and just the general feeling of hopelessness.

But despite this, we had the most adorable conversation, completely hypothetical obviously, which went along the lines of:

Dsd (6) : You're the best step Mum in the whole wide world

me: Why thank you, I'm your only Step Mum.

Dsd (7): Not if you and Daddy split up... But we would keep the every other weekend with Mummy and then we would have to go to your house one of the weekends with your new husband and then Daddy's the other weekend with his new wife...

Dsd (6): Yeah! You will have to share with Daddy :)

It continued on a little from there with them telling me how things would be, but it just struck me, that although we may not have control over them, we still leave an impression on them, and for them (for now at least) to want and automatically assume that I'm a part of their lives, with or without Daddy, was quite something. It really does make the harder times a little easier when these little snippets of 'good' come out of the big ol mess of blended families.

Not really much point to this, but have you ever had one of these little revelations when you have been struggling or finding things hard and just softened and thought, I can do it, purely for these (however brief) moments?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
eslteacher · 19/01/2014 17:36

That's such a lovely story. I really identify. I find it hard being a stepmum because I don't have children of my own and so the adaptations in lifestyle eow when DSS is here can be hard. Like you say it's difficult sometimes living with a child who can inevitably be annoying at times when you don't have the maternal love that makes it all OK.

But in the last six months I have found myself softening more and more. I don't know if it's due to the work I've been doing on adjusting my own attitude and way of dealing with things, or because DSS (8) is being sweeter. Recently when we were eating dinner, he seriously told me I should open up my own restaurant because I cook the best food ever. And another time when he had a friend here, he told the friend 'prepare yourself for the best dinner ever, it's gonna be like nothing you have ever tasted, you won't be able to imagine it'. I melted. I'm not even that good a cook, I don't think!

Kaluki · 20/01/2014 10:28

For me it was when I overheard a conversation between my DC and DSS about their Mums and I heard DSS say "your lucky having Kaluki for a Mum she is really cool" it was slightly ruined when DS1 said "no she's not she makes us go to bed too early and shouts at us all the time!!"

MrsExcited · 20/01/2014 17:32

Yes when youngest was learning to talk. I over heard her chanting.

Mummy, Daddy, Date.

My name is Kate and that is what they call me. It gave me an incredible feeling of belonging!

K8eee · 20/01/2014 19:03

When dh and I got married we had dss as a page boy; he was 6 at the time.

He was stood infront of me at the church entrance with my two flower girls who were of similar age, one my cousin the other my niece. My cousin turned round I him, had a nasty look on her face and said 'so who are you then?' And dss turned to him and said 'well my name is Thomas, and when my daddy & K8eee get married K8eee will be my step mummy' my heart melted. He's been a lot closer to me since, but then when he found out I was pg (am now 31 weeks) he's turned a bit sour towards me Sad

Eliza22 · 21/01/2014 08:59

It's nice to hear that. Must have warmed your "cockles"! Smile

Lostlou · 21/01/2014 14:18

My DPs DSD has given me one of her notepads and a sparkly pen 'because you like pretty things' she has also made (with the help of DP) some chocolate truffles for me for when I came home from work when she was on half term, saying 'but we're not sure if it's as nice as your baking but we did really try'... Smile

Eliza22 · 21/01/2014 15:31

Sweet! Catch 'em young enough and they may be more willing to warm to a step parent IMO. Mine were all teens, so very sure they weren't going to like/accept me, I believe. No matter what I did

Fragglewump · 21/01/2014 15:34

My dss surprised me this weekend by smoking - age 13. Not such a sweet surprise!

moominmamma6 · 22/01/2014 01:07

My eldest step daughter was 16 when I first met her. We had some of the hardest times ever growing up but when she asked me to be there at the birth of her daughter with her boyfriend when she was 21 I knew I had done something right. Also when my stepson who is 15 and has autism got his mum to ring me so he could tell me about getting his brown belt. Lastly my 19 year old step daughter who is living independently now ringing me every day just to have a chat.

mumtobealloveragain · 22/01/2014 01:16

My DSS doesn't remember me not being around. He often asks about things that happened before I was on his life but he doesn't know that I do to know the answers if that makes sense.

When he was 4 he once started a sentence/question with "when I was in your tummy..." it was in front of me, DP and DP's ex (DSS's mum) and she wasn't impressed but I thought it was sweet (we obviously corrected him)

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