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Original poster

Holidays, or lack of them....

18 replies

rose71 · 16/01/2014 18:19

My partner has just heard that his Ex is intending to go on holiday abroad for a week in the near future with a view to the daughter being under our care at that time, which is AOK. However, yet again this is another holiday without her teenage daughter. In fact they (Mother and daughter) haven't been anywhere together - not even a weekend or a day out since the divorce over three years ago. It is not lack of money that is stopping her, and in fact my partner has mentioned in the past that he'd pay their daughters share if she ever wanted to take her away.

There is currently a 50/50 split. A fairly new arrangement that we have the daughter every other Thus and always Fri, Sat and Sun.

I am worried, wrongly?, that Mum and daughter now get so little quality time together i.e. just school evenings and breakfast, plus her never taking her daughter away on holiday with her (preferring to take a boyfriend or friend) that his might be detrimental to to the lovely teenager, and she is lovely ;-). Or do I need to stop worrying?

OP posts:
JumpingJackSprat · 16/01/2014 18:21

Id say stop worrying as there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Just let DSD know you and DH are always there for her. Can you afford to take her on holiday?

Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 18:23

Yes JumpingJackSprat we take her on holidays. Not often (once a year) and nothing hugely extravagant but we have a good time. Those are the only holidays me and my partner have.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 18:26

How sad for the daughter. Sad I treasure my time with my boys, weekends and holidays especially.

Does she ever say anything about this situation?

ZenNudist · 16/01/2014 18:26

Rose, sounds lovely that you go away together. It's ok to only have one holiday a year isn't it?

I'd stay out of what dsd's mum does for holidays. I admit its a shame she won't take her dd away but then again as a teen I dropped holidays with my DPs as I 'hated' them!!!!

purpleroses · 16/01/2014 18:35

I think that's a real shame for your DSD. Though not a lot you can do about it. Is she upset about it? If she raises it, you could encourage her to talk to her DM about it, but there's not much else you can do. Do they get on well? My DP's ex takes the younger DSC on holiday every year but DSD (16) doesn't go because she kicks up a fuss about going, and her mum then says she doesn't want to take a stroppy teenager anyway... they have a bit of a fraught relationship at present. Hoping it's just a phase.

Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 18:54

She would like to go away with her Mum, that I do know. In the past she talks about all the things/holidays her and her Mum are going to do. I used to believe her, until I saw nothing happening and realised it was all fantasy land on her part, very sadly....

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 19:01

How old is she rose?

Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 19:03

Just turned 14 JeanSeberg

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 19:05

What a shame, the teen years have been the best for me.

What prompted the new arrangement where you gave her every weekend?

Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 19:09

"What prompted the new arrangement where you gave her every weekend?"

We haven't given her every weekend JeanSeberg. It is the reverse. She has given us every weekend. She has a part time job and works four hours on a Saturday. Before that we alternated weekends and split the week nights between us.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 19:11

Sorry I meant 'have' not gave - didn't check autocorrect.

JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 19:13

Sounds like a flaky excuse - 4 hours working on a Saturday means she can't have her all weekend? Is there a new bloke on the scene for the mum? What's your personal view of this woman?

Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 19:13

;-)

OP posts:
Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 19:16

I'd rather not have a view JeanSeberg ;-). I agree in that I can't change things. I guess I am more worried about if there is any possibility of longterm damage psychologically speaking, or if I'm being totally OTT. And if there is any potential, how to offset this....

OP posts:
Original poster
rose71 · 16/01/2014 19:17

Thank you JeanSeberg for your input, and everyone elses. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
elliebellys · 16/01/2014 20:16

Trouble is it cant be forced,wish my kids dad would take them away on holiday.just keep doing what your doing dsd will be fine.

Libby10 · 17/01/2014 09:11

There is nothing you can do. DP's ex has never taken the SC on holiday. It is sad because at different times they have all asked DP why. When they were younger she used to tell them she couldn't afford it but as they got older they knew this wasn't the case. I think you need to accept that SC's relationship with their mum is nothing to do with you.

JeanSeberg · 17/01/2014 09:26

she talks about all the things/holidays her and her Mum are going to do

You sound very supportive and I presume you have a good day-to-day relationship with her and get on well. All you can do is continue to support her, let her talk about the plans with her mum and make the right noises "that sounds like it will be fun"whilst making sure you are always available to talk, should she wish in the future.

Does she have a good relationship with her dad?

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