I thank god I don't live close enough to have ever set eyes upon my DP's ex, as, like many others have said, I would find it very upsetting and stressful to have to engage in any way at all with someone who has done so much which is very wrong - and TBH, would find it rather frightening.
My opinion of her is utterly based on fact - what I know to be true. Obviously I've heard various anecdotes about their relationship but my feelings towards the woman are based not on that, but on what has happened since I've been with DP. I don't have time to recount all the nastiness and spite, nor the damage it's caused - suffice to say it's been significant - emotionally (her own children are affected too, our relationship has been hugely strained), financially (for us of course, not her) and practically (her motto seems to be if something can be made as difficult as possible then it will be). I know she's dishonest - this has been shown time and again. She can't be trusted one inch. Therefore, please forgive me if I'm not prepared to give her the "benefit of the doubt" - why the bloody hell should I when we have bent over backwards to be as accommodating, as co-operative and as reasonable as we can be, and it's still never good enough .... to the extent that she sees fit to do stuff which has caused long lasting damage to my family. All of it unnecessary.
Apparently, my children are "snivelling bastards" and I'm every variation of a "slag" you can possibly think of. Despite the fact I met DP 2.5 years after they split. She's another whose grass wasn't greener after the breakdown of her relationship (prompted by her affair), and I can only assume that she's so consumed with rage and jealousy that DP's moved on and she hasn't, that she feels her appalling behaviour is somehow justified. We've had years of contact issues and parental alienation to deal with (long story) ... I will never understand why one parent sets out to destroy the relationship between their kids and the other parent, but it's wicked, and never simply sorted. The repercussions are immense.
I also KNOW that all exes aren't like that - not least because I was one myself and I can honestly say hand on heart that I never used my child as a weapon, or dealt with my ex in any way which wasn't courteous, honest and fair. Not because I was a doormat, not because he necessarily "deserved" to be treated like that but because I wanted our split to have as little impact on my child as possible. Believe me, I had a lot more to feel a grudge about than DP's ex did, but I still managed to behave with dignity and fairness.
I still sometimes have to pinch myself even after more than a decade because I find DP's ex's "Eastenders" style behaviour so astonishing - from someone who's supposedly a professional. What's even more astonishing - and infuriating - is how people who behave like that so often "get away with it". There's simply not a good enough "system" in place to deter - for example - stopped contact, or to support children affected by alienation. It feels like she's a whirlwind who's swept through all these other lives causing so much destruction yet isn't held responsible in any way at all for repairing the damage caused. She's not a "stupid" woman - she can't be oblivious to what she's done - yet she simply doesn't care, and I find that scary.
I suspect the only time I'd ever come face to face with her would be at a stepchild's wedding. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it but ATM, the thought makes me feel physically sick.