DD got busted!

[BrevilleTron]

Ah the benefits of FaceTime!

After perusing DD(13)'s FB I decided to call her up and question her about referring to a teacher by a derogatory nickname.

DD was downstairs on the sofa (100 miles away from me)
With DStepmum
A teacher
At DD's school.

Oh dear!!
Mutual punishment of being banned from FB til Friday (agreed there and then by me and DStepmum)
She was NOT happy. ( I have apparently killed her!)

Is it wrong that I feel a tiny bit bad for DD or should I be happy that DStep and I work very well as a team?

You should be very happy that you and DStep work well together as a team :o. Happy and proud - I doubt that happened easily or overnight.

And it's a salutary lesson for your DD that this FB stuff is actually read, that it doesn't go away.

Thanks Hassled
We both told her that!
Hopefully she will learn that Mother has Eyes Everywhere

But the look on her face when both her mums looked at her!
Oh it was priceless!

Oh wow, great for you and SM, not so great for your DD.

Off topic, but:

"But the look on her face when both her mums looked at her"

I think I can safely say I have never seen this phrase written on here before. Bloody well done you. Well done for having the sort of relationship between you, your DD and your DDs SM that a lot of us on here dream of.

It's really made me smile, so thanks

I would save the 'talks & tellings off' for things that put her, or someone else, in danger or are 'serious' things such as bullying/sexual stuff. Using a derogatory nickname for an adult doesn't really come under that banner in my book. Give her a bit of space, like we all had, to chat to her friends... technology is new, calling a teacher a derogatory nickname really isn't.

Yeah that's kinda why I feel bad. But at the crunch I'm her mum not her friend and as much as I hate making her feel bad and punishing her, she was warned and especially as DStep is a teacher at her school it could have very serious implications.

But I know what it's like to be 13
And I made mistakes too, and I've told her this.

But I am glad that DStep was there as we showed a united front which is I think what DD needed.

Gah it's tough being a mum isn't it.
You want them to have freedom and be trusted and yet you still have to rein them in occasionally.

Im really lucky Lt Eve but it does take work.
I love DStep to bits and we've told DD since she was 5 that DStep has the same role/rights/responsibilities as me.
She is a brilliant mum to her own two DC and it makes for a good atmosphere.
So far DD has never used the "You're not my mum- you can't tell me what to do" line because I think she knows that I would fervently disagree as DStep and I refer to DD as "Our Daughter" in front of her!

Well done OP :)

Chippin
"Using a derogatory nickname for an adult doesn't really come under that banner in my book."

But it can be the start of bullying, many many teachers suffer from being cyber bullied by both pupils and parents.

Again well done OP.

Chippin I totally understand where you are coming from on the 'saving the talks etc'
However the thing that annoyed me most was that this nickname was not only derogatory it was changing the teachers name to indicate a sexual preference.
Im really sorry if that's drip feeding but I didn't want to out myself,DD or DStep.

That was why I got involved whereas if it had been 'Mr DozyBottom' or something I may not have dealt with it so directly.

Well done!

I think this is brilliant!

Just the sort of hope needed today. Two trusted adults working together for the good of the child instead of blaming each other! How refreshing!

Ok. After another chat with DStep today I'm going to try and tackle the homophobia issue. (The comment she placed could be construed as homophobic)
I've rung mum for advice and also my two mates (who DD loves)
I'm thinking of approaching it from the angle of 'DD you are clearly comfortable being around our family and friends who are gay so maybe it hasn't occurred to you that when you use the word 'gay' as an insult, you could be offending people you care deeply about. As well as people who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality. Being gay isn't a choice we make. It's just who you are attracted to. And it isn't something to be ashamed of.

You are becoming an adult so take this opportunity to learn how your words affect others.

Any tips? I will be completely calm but have I missed anything or got anything wrong?

It's brilliant that you and the stepmum have an adult relationship and both work consistently for the good of your DD. Of course, your DD won't appreciate this at the moment, .

I get on Ok with my ex and his partner. I'm proud of that. I know first hand what can happen when Bio mum and Step Mum have never met/spoken because Bio mum will have no contact (civil or otherwise) with her ex (now, my DH). I wasn't the OW, his EX had an affair. The end result of that is kids think it's ok to ignore their step mum and have no need to show any respect whatsoever (because their mum doesn't).

Well done, you!