How/when to introduce boyfriend as a boyfriend?

[ChooChooLaverne]

Wasn't sure where the best place for this was but thought step parents would be the most experienced so am hoping you might be able to give me some good advice.

I'm a single parent with a 6 year old DS. I've been separated from his dad for over 3 years and I met a lovely man nearly a year ago. Things are going very well so far and I can imagine that if things carry on this way we will live together one day - but it is very early days and I am in no rush for this to happen. He has met DS as a 'friend' and they have got on well, and he has stayed over a few times for a 'sleepover' on a put up bed in the living room.

I just can't imagine how we move from this to a more obvious boyfriend/girlfriend scenario with DS accepting it. Is this something that we should just try to let happen naturally in time the more time they spend together or is it something that we should try and introduce more formally? DP is very patient and happy to be guided by me on this and I haven't a clue really! He doesn't have any children either so it's all very new to him.

I would be very interested to hear other people's experiences and ideas as I really want to get it right for all of us but especially for DS.

Thank you.

At 6 years old I'd say just let it happen naturally. Since they already know each other and they're getting on well I'd say test the waters a bit by referring to him as your boyfriend or maybe showing a little affection to see DS's reaction.

At 6 then I shouldn't think it should cause a big problem.

What's DS's relationship like with his dad? And what's ex's reaction likely to be?

I agree. Don't make an issue of it. Just let your bf blend into your family gradually.
I introduced DP as "mummy's friend" at first. Then we introduced all the kids to each other and had a few day trips and sleepovers with them all and one day my lovely DS2 who was about 7 at the time said "we all think X should be your boyfriend now!" so he was and that was that!!
Don't overthink it - just let it happen.

Thanks niceguy. DS goes to his dad's every other weekend and for the odd week in the holidays but he's not involved in his day to day life, doesn't do any school stuff etc. They have a good relationship as far as it goes and DS goes to his quite happily and seems to enjoy their time together.

We are as amicable as we can be, just stick to talking about DS, but can have a friendly chat at handover time. Ex can be unreasonable but is unpredictable and so I have no idea what his reaction would be!

Kaluki that sounds ideal and how I'd like things to pan out. I just can't imagine DS ever wanting me to have a boyfriend no matter how much he likes him! He is quite clingy with me, even when other friends/family members are around!

He can still be clingy when you have a bf. Just make sure he knows that he comes first and that you will always love him.
It's healthy for him to see that you have other relationships in your life and that you are not just his Mum but he needs to feel secure with you too.
Sounds like you are doing it right.

I'm not sure you ever really do need to make a big revalation about it at that age - he probably doesn't have much idea what a BF is (as opposed to a male friend). My DSS was never formally told that his mum's DP (who she's been living with for the last 4 years) his her BF and still refers to him as a "family friend" (which he was first). DSS gets on well with the bloke though and doesn't seem bothered by titles. He's a (rather young) 11 now.

But your ex's reaction might be more difficult to handle. Might be best to tell him at some stage rather than let him piece it together from things your DS tells him.

My DD has known DP since she was 6. She is very close to me, and always has been, but also really likes DP, and has never had a problem with him being my BF.

I agree, with the child, subtle actions and natural progression, NO big formal verbal overtures.