Can I ask a question about behaviour and 6 years olds?

[LollyPop87]

My DSS is up for the week. I've really enjoyed spending time with him the last few days, we get on really well.

However. Yesterday and today he has starting being extremely loud. Say he's playing a game, whatever happens, say he moves a counter on a board game, or wins, or is about to win, he screams at the top of his voice. Imagine the loudest you could possibly scream. Its like that. Every 5 seconds. All the time. I just don't know if his dad should be asking him to be a little quiter, not to stop shouting, its lovely that he's so energetic and involved, but its just so loud. I can't describe how loud it is. Its just the loudest scream anyone could possibly do.

Also, he's just lost a game. He screamed, cried, hit his fists on the table and hit his dad. He's now gone into his room and is crying and screaming.

I think he is tired. This behaviour only seems to happen when he's tired. Because his dad doesn't get to see him as often as he would like, he doesn't put a limit on bedtime. He wants to spend as much time with him as possible. So his bed time at home is about 7pm, and he wakes about 7am. Here, it normally ends up about 10pm, an hes started sleeping in till about 9am. So, almost the same amount of hours, but I'm not sure if being out of the routine is making him extremely tired, and therefore abit grumpy.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I was just wondering if anyone could advise as to how normal this all is. He's almost 7 btw.

Thanks for reading :)

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He needs sleep and exercise IMO. When my ds gets like this it's because of to many late nights and not enough energy being burned. Children are like dogs and need lots o long walks

I feel terrible too, because when he started screaming and banging his fist, I did stand up and go into my bedroom. Not in an obvious way, just quietly as if I'd forgotten something that was in there. It's because I don't feel like I can discipline him, I feel like I have to just sit there and witness what IMO isn't great behaviour. But I also feel like its not his fault, I think he is just so tired.

Thanks Back2basics. He does get a lot of exercise, so I think its the late nights. Tonight being new years eve probably won't help. I wish I could mention it to my dp, he's lovely but I'm worried he'll take it in the wrong way.

My dd2 is 6, almost 7. She gets like this sometimes if she's over excited and/or overtired. It's not a matter of discipline, imo, just the simple fact that they need to go to bed.

Of course you need to discipline him.

Room now! Was the automatic response to DD2 behaving like that.

Tantrumming 6y are just like toddlers, no point in reasoning with them, they just have to learn to leave until they want to be nice.

Unlike toddlers they do know what 'nice' is, they just still find it very hard sometimes.

Do not fall into the trap of saying 'aaah he's just tired' he's six not 6months, he can be nice if he's tired, hungry or bored, he just needs practice.

Thanks. You've confirmed what I was thinking really, that he is just over tired. He must be to be sleeping in till 9am! I think I'm going to have to mention it to dp, I just hope he doesn't take it in the wrong way.

Starballbunny - I've just seen your reply. Maybe there needs to be a balance. Maybe although I recognise he is tired, someone needs to be making it clear that the behaviour isn't right. If he was my child I feel like it would be so much easier, because I would have some control over the situation. But he's not, so I don't feel like I do.

Oh, this is hard :( My dp has just come to check I was ok. He said I shouldn't feel like I have to remove myself from a room in my own house, and he said its just kids being kids. I explained that I removed myself from the situation because I feel like I must not ever involve myself in his son's discipline. I explained that naturally, I have my own way of dealing with certain situations, and that because I feel like I shouldn't, its just easier to not be in the room.

He said that I shouldn't feel like I have to walk away in my own house. (he was saying this in a nice way btw, like he felt bad that I'd felt I had to do that). He said its ok for me to just ignore the situation. But that's just impossible, surely. How can I just ignore something like that. I think they both want me to go and play with them, which from what I can hear is going to involve a lot of roleplay. I just want to be myself for abit. I must be an awful person :(

By myself that should say.

Agree totally with starball bunny. "Room now" is the best way to deal with this and is regularly used here for tantrums too. If you can't be nice to be around then don't be around until you can be nice! Don't make excuses for him else he will feel justified in doing it.

You're not an awful person. Often removing yourself from a situation makes things calm down.
IMO it will be easier if you follow his home routine as far as bedtimes, three extra hours up is too much and probably throws him out of kilter.
You've had some other sound advice up thread - good luck

To all those posters suggesting op send him to his room and that she disciplined him. This is a "step" situation and it's actually not recommended that the step parent take the lead role in disciplining the step child. It could create deeper problems in the long run.

What needs to happen is that op and her partner agree what's acceptable, then agree what's not, then agree on consequences. The parent should be the one who instigates the discipline with the step parent supporting and backing up the natural parent.

Regular bedtimes were extremely important for all my kids. It was a lack and white situation, enough sleep equalled nice kids and lack of sleep meant naughty kids. I would shift their bedtimes a bit and allow the odd late night but generally keep to their normal routine.
A single 10 o'clock bedtime for any of mine when they were 6 would be ok'ish but several in a row would be trouble.

When dd2 gets into these sorts of moods we don't 'discipline' as such as it tends to escalate the situation. We'll just try and calm the atmosphere and quietly start the bedtime routine.

I'm not a step parent, but I simply couldn't have a child to visit I wasn't allowed to discipline.

I judge parents by wether they smile and nod or scowl if someone says no to their PFB. (DD1 climbed and fiddled with everything, it was essential the nearest adult said "No")

I think part of the OPs problem is men seem much more tolerant of children being noisy, DH and the DDs had a very loud wild game they played on dark evenings in dd2s room. Lots of hiding, turning lights on and off and screaming.
I always hid down stairs.

Also, DH would also rather just leave DDs up until he'd eaten and chattered to them and put them to bed quickly when tired than do a long bed time routine earlier.

I don't think it matters, DCs are amazingly adaptable (way more than people seem to think). They will survive one set of rules at one house and another somewhere else, just as lots of DCs have home combinations of, nursery, granny, CMs and when older schools routines to learn. They manage.

I agree that a lot of kids find it easy to live with one set of rules at one house and a different set of rules at another house.

In this case, it is your DH that needs disciplining not your DSD

Imagine if you normally go to bed at 11 but ended up going to bed at 2 in the morning for a number of days. I bet you would be ratty too.