Stuck in the middle - any experiences?

[iloveweetos]

Happy Christmas everyone
So basically back story - dd from previous r'ship who will be 6yo in feb. Have been living with DH for over a year.
Dd and him have a rocky relationship. He feels that sometimes she excludes him from family things, which tbh I do see her doing. (Her dad doesn't have anything nice to say about DH which may be why-not too sure)
As much as I have seen this, DH can overreact to some things that she may do. Which is so frustrating as he says it in front of dd and I'm stood there as though I need to take a side.
How do I deal with these situations? I wana talk to DH about it, to pull me aside and tell me what's happened (calmly) and then deal with it rather than things getting heated.
I don't want DH to get flamed as he is bloody amazing with dd which makes it all the more frustrating when she does little things like excludes him and gives him dirty looks.
I've tried talking with dd but she doesn't ever seem to open up. I just want the fall outs to stop. But not sure how?

What does she exclude him from? Is it everything or just some things?

She's 5. How much can she be excluding him from?

Dont take sides. Be fair. Remind her to include her SD when you see it happening. Remind him that she is 5 and has only been a father figure in her life for 1 year and so she will still be getting used to having to share you and will sometimes forget that dH i there too.

Btw i get dirty looks from my dcs sometimes when they get told off for something. It doesnt mean she is taking against him.

Should she really be reminded every time? Maybe she doesn't want to include him in everything.

Thats true, we dont all get involved in everything here ad im sure other families are the same. I suppose if you think she has just forgotten to include him or its something he might enjoy then its ok to say 'SD would like to do this shall we go find him" which is something i do with my two boys and always gets a good response. Also a good way of finding out if she is excluding him intentionally and gives you an opening to talk about her feelings about him.

I think you're all right. Kids just do this. Spoke to DH and just told him to stop being so soft. He really tries so hard with her so when she knocks him back it really gets to him. But I try and tell him that every child is like this with their parents. Don't take it to heart and don't feel everything needs to be a constant battle.

He needs to grow up. Your daughter is only 5 and doesn't yet know how to express herself appropriately at all times.

How has he managed in everyday life so far if he's easily offended by a 5 year old?

Bit harsh Toby. He's still very new to step parenting and is learning everyday.

I'm sure. But in the meantime your daughter seems to be unhappy. So the adults in this situation need to behave like adults, in order to try to make sure she isn't unhappy. That means both of you.