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Fee up of XW using her kids to manipulate us!!

8 replies

phoenixrose314 · 19/12/2013 22:27

Okay, so basic back story to this is that DH's XW and himself used to own a house together, they parted relatively amicably leaving 2 children, then 7 and 2. XW is a lawyer and told hubby she would take care of paperwork regarding the house and removing his name from the mortgage. Fast forward to DH meeting me - a year and a half after they divorced and she was living with someone else already (within months of splitting). She goes a bit crazy, doesn't like me, tries to break me and DH up repeatedly despite the fact the kids love me and I've been nothing but respectful of her and the situation. Fast forward again, it's six months until DH and I get married and we get a phone call from the bank saying we owe them 3 months worth of mortgage payments because XW and new hubby have done a runner. Understandably we freak out, we thought we had no attachment to the house, lots of arguing goes on, we end up having to move into this house and leaving our rented property, we then find out that XW took out additional borrowing on the house and we're now in a TON of negative equity.

We were both angry for a long time but tried to make the best of the house, whilst XW stopped us seeing the children because she was mad at us for living there! It all smoothed over when she had another baby and she started playing nice, and a year and a half later I had my first baby too.

Now, my DH's nan has left us a house and we are in a position where we can buy it and he can free himself from XW financially, which is what we wanted all along. We told XW, she agreed we could sell it, we put the house up for sale, found a buyer - we're having to pay 3.5 grand to get rid of the place against the borrowing she took out but we're happy to pay it, we just want to be free of it. Anyway she began holding paperwork and saying she needed to be sure that the mortgage people weren't going to come chasing her for money (she's afraid we'll do to her what she did to us!), so hubby keeps having to go over there and sign document she drafts claiming that he will pay for it all, blah blah blah, lately she claimed she didn't receive some paperwork but then "found" it after DH and solicitors started harassing her.

Now TONIGHT we get a call from DSD, who basically said she does t want to move and that we haven't considered her feelings in the whole situation - you could pretty much hear XW in the background listening, she must have been because DSD called from the home phone. DSD seems upset because she wont have her own bedroom in the new house - but she doesnt have her own room in this house either, she shares with the baby, we cant afford 4 bedroom places! After talking with DSD, DH text ger to say that it was possible she could have the little room and DSS share with my DS, but whichever way you look at it, someone will be sharing. I just know she's stirring up trouble and planting seeds to make this difficult for us, and I am really, REALLY worked up about the whole situation. I hate the thought that DSD might be feeling unloved by us because I adore her, I think of her like a true daughter and often wished she was my own. When the new baby came along she was so excited and happy to be sharing a room, she loves babies, this just seems so out of character for her.

I don't know what to do but I am so worked up I can't sleep. Please someone give me advice or tell me they've survived something similar, I am at the end of my tether (I have just been prescribed anti anxiety medication and this isn't helping!!!)

OP posts:
olgaga · 20/12/2013 00:18

Why were tgese financial issues not resolved on divorce?

olgaga · 20/12/2013 00:18

*these

phoenixrose314 · 20/12/2013 05:16

She said she had removed his name from the mortgage. He believed her.

OP posts:
phoenixrose314 · 20/12/2013 05:16

He never wanted the house, was happy for her to have it!

OP posts:
Petal02 · 20/12/2013 07:58

Sorry, but I can't believe anyone would trust their ex to deal appropriately with joint mortgage paperwork .......

Kaluki · 20/12/2013 12:10

Why is your DH pandering to DSD like this? She shares now she will share in the new house - what's the problem?
I am sure DSD doesn't feel unloved at all - she is being led by her Mum or she is acting up.
When we were considering moving recently DSS announced that he refused to share a room - we said tough! We can't afford for everyone to have their own rooms so he has to put up with sharing like he has for the last 4 years!

Cabrinha · 22/12/2013 09:53

I know you're posting about the kids, but I have no advice there, but can't not say this...

SHE SCREWED HIM OVER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE SIGNING ANY DOCUMENTS WRITTEN BY HER?

Seriously, he was naïve at best, but more like stupid and now I think stupid if he's letting EW produce any more documents.

Lawyer up.

Get a solicitor to request copies of ANYTHING he has signed. Get advice on reversing anything he signed that she hides. I have no idea what weight this would have in court, but at least get a solicitor to send her a letter saying that anything not produced now is NOT what your husband agrees to, and he did so not understanding what she asked him to sign.

And when you sell this place, is it still negative equity? If there is equity, she needs to be paying him back the money she stole by screwing him over.

Generous behaviour from him, does not bring the same from her. He should take legal advice.

And stop signing stuff she gives him!!!

newlifeforme · 22/12/2013 12:57

OK, I do think you need to be reassured that the paperwork is now in place to remove any liability to you.Maybe that is the case however its not clear from your post.

Re the change, don't stress, you are doing what is right for your family and DSD is entitled to feel scared by the change.Perhaps the divorce didn't feel disruptive to her as the family house remained but now she is having to deal with the loss.

My daughter used to feel terrified of change, even if it was positive, however I learnt over time to just keep reassuring her and in the end she usually felt more comfortable.There was nothing I could say that would stop her worrying, it always took time.

Keep moving forwards with the house, keep reassuring your step daughter and listen to her.She will be ok in the end.Does the new house mean she will have further to travel ?

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