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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step grandparents...

12 replies

MojaveWanderer · 18/12/2013 14:22

I have found since marrying my husband who has children from a previous marriage that his parents are totally different to mine. My mum has bought my kids and her step kids a computer game each for Christmas, she's spent about Â£20 each at least and there are 6 kids. My husbands parents have sent my kids Â£5 each. Their blood related grandchildren have had a small fortune spent on them. I don't care to be honest as they have my ex's family to spoil my kids. It's just really sad that they don't see my kids as family unlike my mum who loves them all.
Anyone else get the same?

OP posts:

purpleroses · 18/12/2013 15:03

I think it depends what sort of relationship you have with them really, and how old the kids were when they come into their lives. I don't think it's that odd to spend more on your own grandchildren than your child's stepchildren, who you may hardly know.

Neither my parents nor DP's parents have bought anything for their step-grandchildren this year or last - mine have mentioned that they find it very hard to know what they'd like as they're early teens, not little kids. I think they probably would get them something if we were seeing them at Christmas, but we're not. DP and I are taking his DCs to his parents on boxing day which is when they'll exchange presents with their grandparents, so I don't really find it too odd that mine won't be included as they won't be there (they'll be with their dad visiting his parents).

Like you, we have 6 between us. I think that is asking quite a lot of any grandparents to buy that many presents really. Giving £5 is still nice.

Though our children all get presents from both sets of their own grandparents, would be a bit different I guess if your DH is the only 'dad' your children have, and so his parents are their only other grandparents.

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 15:11

I don't think it's odd at all tbh, and quite natural for them to want to spend more on their on GCs. Although you may see them as equal, it's unreasonable to exact this from GPs

allnewtaketwo · 18/12/2013 16:19

I don't think it's odd at all tbh, and quite natural for them to want to spend more on their on GCs. Although you may see them as equal, it's unreasonable to exact this from GPs

gingermop · 18/12/2013 16:29

my mum is treating my dsc as equal to her own gc which is lovely of her, my partners dm called the other day and said her dgc would get toy shop gift card and my kids sgc would get box sweets between them, my dp told if u can treat equaly dont buy for any of them.

I feel differently, my parents dont play a part in dsc lives same as mine dont in dp's mums. a token gesture I think should b enough.

Original poster

MojaveWanderer · 18/12/2013 17:04

Well I think it's pretty odd. They are young kids and have known them 5 years and call them Granma & Grandad.
My step mum treats my step sister and I the same. We get the same spent on us. My mum and her step sister get the the same from my nan and I also get the same from my nan as my step cousins.
In my family we are all loved and treated the same regardless of whether we are related by blood or marriage.

OP posts:

SatinSandals · 18/12/2013 17:16

I would treat them the same, I would feel very uncomfortable with anything else.

needaholidaynow · 18/12/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountryGal13 · 18/12/2013 20:53

I buy for my sisters + brothers step children but no one buys for my dsc. This is fine by me as they're older and my family have only met them a handful of times. I think every situation is different.

theredhen · 18/12/2013 22:00

My parents in law and sister in law all treat ds the same when it comes to gifts, and I feel very grateful. I don't have any immediate family so ds only has them as "close relatives".

I am closer to some of my cousins, aunts and uncles than many people because of lack of immediate family and some of them treat dsc ( I have 4 dsc and 1 dc) the same, some don't when it comes to gifts. Fair enough I think as buying a gift for my ds is very different to buying 5 gifts.

Some of dp friends buy for ds, some don't. None of my friends buy for dsc. There's no right or wrong and it's all part and parcel if being in a blended family but there is certainly potential for upset.

mygrandchildrenrock · 23/12/2013 20:08

I'm a step grandma and 3 of the sgc were quite old when my son married their mum. However, I have always spent the same amount on them even though that was quite hard, once a new baby arrived. I, naturally I think, wanted to spoil the baby materially but didn't because I couldn't afford to do so for the 3sgc.

Madethebedx · 27/12/2013 19:30

I think there are many different views on this. My mum and dad treat dsd the same as DS and his cousins. I would be mortified if they never. I just think how my son would feel if he was in that situation, hope he never is.

FrankAndFurt · 27/12/2013 22:27

I think it depends on the situation. The ages of the DSC, how often they see the DSGP (Darling Step GrandParents), how long they have known them, etc etc. I also think its relevant in some cases if the DSC have their own GPs.

It's all a bit tricky really. If I were a DSGP I think I would end up getting family presents.

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