Dh Xmas gift for dsd...

[Loveineveryspoonful]

Have just spent a lovely afternoon Xmas shopping with dh, for us, for kids etc.
At one stage dh was looking into buying dsd, 16, some jewelry as a bigger present and actually considered getting her a ring.
I found this incredibly inappropriate as we've gone through some real shit with getting him to see how his spousification of dsd was threatening our marriage. Our couple therapist wasted no time in telling him what's what and told him to cop on. There has been some occasional backsliding, but I thought it was really under control. Then this.
I remained calm, only said her taste is the opposite of mine and he'd have to decide on one himself. Eventually I also pointed out some other things like earrings as I was seething ever so slightly and he did finally choose a bracelet I found quite attractive and which suits her style really well.
Am I weird in feeling a tad resentful here? It reminded me of the chastity rings American dads give their daughters, really truly YUK!
Btw, dh never buys me jewelry... I've stopping giving hints and buy stuff I like myself.
Another btw, in a spare moment own ds wanted to buy me a present and I made damn sure it was approriate (a nice bangle, similar to something dsd helped him pick for my birthday). I'd die of embarrassment if I got something as intimate as a ring off him.
Am I mad? Or is this a case of once bitten...

Why cant a dad buy his daughter a ring?.why is it just acceptable for wife/girlfriend.it doesnt have to be weird..

I don't think its necessarily weird in and of itself, but given context of spousification which had been discussed in therapy no less, it doesnt take a big leap to see it as such. He should have cottoned on!

And the fact that he never buys YOU jewellery, despite hints...well yeah, I'd definity be feeling grumpy if I was you! But it's not something I'd make a big fuss over, you have to choose your battles and this probably isn't the best one. Annoying, yes, but as backslides go it could be worse. Take a couple of deep breaths, rant on here, and try to be zen IRL, I'd say.

You actually sound very jealous and unhinged unreasonable, whatever your other problems are.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a dad buying his daughter a ring for Christmas...

Unless this is the fella who lets his 14 year old daughter get in his/your bed.

I certainly don't think it's odd in itself for a 16 year old to be bought a ring by a parent , although I always think its safer for a person to choose jewellery themselves. But, there is obviously a back story here so it sounds like the bracelet wl be a better choice .

I tend to think that a ring is a gift from a man to a woman when they're sharing the same duvet.

And with spousification in the background, and also given the man in question doesn't buy jewellery for the OP, I think a ring is an inappropriate gift.

How would everyone else feel if, for example, your partner doesn't buy you flowers, but sends his daughter a dozen red roses? It doesn't sit right, does it?

A ring isn't "intimate" it's just a piece of jewellery.

My dad gave me a 1ct diamond solitaire ring. I don't share a duvet with him.

I don't share a duvet with my Dad, but I wouldn't expect him to buy me gifts of that nature.

Of what nature?
It's just jewellery.

Anything else is just personal spin put on it by yourself.

Why tho ?.a ring can be given from anyone,doesnt mean anythingsexual.same goes with flowers.in a way he,s goin to have to scrutinize everything he wants to buy her,just in case its seen as innapropriate.such a sad way to live for all.

We bought our DD a ring for her 18th birthday, a Russian wedding ring which she wears every. Never thought it was odd, after all when I was that age I got a signet ring but they aren't in fashion now.

Your poor dsd.

Rings aren't 't 'intimate ' unless they are an obvious engagement ring or wedding band.

It's a ring
My daughter got a beautiful ring last Christmas

I honestly think you are over thinking this

Only get a ring from someone you share a duvet with, I have never heard such shit in all my 36 years on earth

You sound extremely bitter and jealous of a 16 year old girl. There is obviously some back story to this and what 'spousification' ( is that even a word) and 'back sliding' mean is beyond me, some sort of couples counselling jargon?

Can't comment too much as post is too cryptic but you do sound rather jealous.

you sound really odd and like you are trying to compete with his 16 year old daughter. I don't think it's an odd present or too intimate it is a ring which will probably be treasured in years to come as it's from her dad. I wear a ring given to me by my mother. she is dead now and it is my single most favourite thing I own. this whole post is really strange

In the context such as this, a ring from a father to daughter where there is a clear history of Spoucification is wholly inappropriate.

Add in the fact that your DH purposefully avoids buying you jewellery...it does not a happy house make.

You are nuts.

I remember you - dsd hogging the couch, your ds leaping on you if you and your dh got too cosy.

Tbh, I would have thought thered be a lot mire to Spousification than that.

I also think you are a bit bonkers for thinking a dad shouldnt buy his dd a ring or that your son shouldnt buy you a ring.

In answer to your question "am I mad?" at the end of your post

"yes , you probably are"

Thanks everybody, all your comments really sum up the thoughts going through my head.
Yes, I'm feel totally insane to be jealous of my dh daughter, our relationship has come on in leaps and bounds lately and I'd be a fool to jeopardize that with silly squabbling (and dss is way more secure and considerate btw).
Then again, one poster mentioned lingerie, and it brought back sad memories of dh wanting to go shopping with dsd a while back - she blew him off because she wanted to buy underwear and took her mum.
Always being aware of what one says or does? Actually ellie, our therapist did ask dh to do just that, not to be replying in husky voice to her flirtatious tone etc.
Sorry to be sounding unhinged. Just to be clear though, I place all responsibility on dh, not dsd. She was raised to be his partner when his first marriage failed, this is what's meant with spousification.
And yes, it does make you sound bitter when you think "finally, our relationship is taking a turn for the better" and then dh upsets the applecart again.
Trouble is this isn't really a stepfamily problem, its a father daughter issue and has nothing to do with me. I'm just expected to put up and shut up. I know, I can leave anytime. I would have, too, were it not that our finances are too complicatedly linked.
Sorry for rambling, I'm very sad at the moment and haven't said a word to anybody.