I have no idea, and just like 12 out of the last 13 Xmases will probably still have no idea right up to the 11th hour ... like the 23rd or 24th. We can be sure it won't be the 25th - heaven forbid Mummy Dearest should be left on her own - though it was okay the year she wanted to go away with her boyfriend. Despite my regular pleas to DP that he should set a "cut off" point re: arrangements, i.e. if we don't hear by such and such date, we assume they're not coming and will make any plans we see fit that don't include them, he refuses to do that as apparently it would seem "unwelcoming" and, "when am I supposed to see my kids at Xmas then ?" ....
..... that shouldn't be my problem. Nor should it be the problem of other family and friends kind enough to ask us over and who also, quite reasonably, want to know what's happening, and who's coming, with more than a few hours to spare.
When the stepkids were younger their mother undoubtedly revelled in being as difficult as possible. It didn't matter how much notice we gave, or how politely we asked, or how willing we were to compromise ... we would never get a straight answer out of her like a normal person. Now they are older teens, we don't have to rely on her quite so much but they've obviously grown up with their mother's example of being selfish and rude, and with DP refusing to lay it on the line with them, we are still in limbo so far as arrangements are concerned - every single bloody year. I hate it and am afraid I do NOT feel full of festive spirit towards them when they deign to turn up (without ever so much as a card for their dad or younger sibling, let alone any sort of token gift - good god, a box of Maltesers would do ..... and yes, they do have money to burn on their social life, and presents for their mum's family) having only given us - sometimes - 24 hours notice. At which point, DP "has to" drop everything and then make a 5 hour round trip to fetch them. I seethe because they are completely old enough now to appreciate the practical issues involved and I find it unbearably rude to a) not reply for weeks, even months, on end re: invites and b) when they do decide they want to come and get their presents give us very little notice at all.
Sorry - have gone off on a bit of a rant there. All I can say in my defence is that Xmas has been an utter nightmare ever since I met DP because his ex saw it as an opportune time to cause trouble - and despite hopes to the contrary, it hasn't changed that much even when the kids got older. I just find it horribly stressful trying to accommodate everything that needs to be done and everyone that needs to be seen anyway - with respective families living in different directions - but when you combine that with deliberate and spiteful obstruction, and/or plain old fashioned bad manners every single bloody year I could scream.
I suppose I feel annoyed and hurt (on DP's and DD's behalf) that they never show any inclination to want to be part of our "main" Xmas (i.e. Xmas Eve & Day, Boxing Day) and can't be arsed to respond in a timely and considerate manner about any other dates ..... feels obvious to me they don't really want to come .... but will usually turn up at some point anyway to pick up their gifts. One of them we haven't seen for months .... no Saturday job, no real excuse why - but I bet they make the effort (if you can call it that) at Xmas .... can't help feeling very cynical.