NRP wants RP to pay her money for when she has the children

[NerdyBird]

My DP has residency of his two children. Their mum has asked if he will give her money to cover the time they are with her. She is on benefits and has another child (not DPs). She says she is going to tell the oldest one she is asking their Dad for money.

I'm finding it difficult to get any info on the internet as to whether she is actually entitled to anything - can anyone direct me as to where to look?

My main concern is that she wants to tell the oldest one. I really don't think that is fair, and will only hurt the child if we don't or can't pay.

Any advice?

Does your DP get monetary support from her ? If anything she should be paying your DP CSA

Hi Molly

As far as I know she does not pay anything. I think that as she's on benefits it would be a small amount anyway so don't think DP would ask for it.

Oh gross.

My cousin's mum used to do this, Dcousin (then pre-teenage) lived with her father and would see her mum on a Saturday, she'd have to hand her a tenner before her 'mother' would let her over the threshold. On one occasion when my Uncle sent her empty handed, she was turned away.

Utterly disgusting, I have really strong feelings about this.

She should be paying maintenance, anyway, and certainly not charging for having her own child.

Legally she should be paying you around £5 a week if she rarely has the DCs, or nothing at all if she has them regularly (a night or more a week on average, I think). Details are on the CSA website. Have a look there.

She's not legally entitled to anything from you, though could be finding it hard to see how she'll cover their costs if she's on benefits, as she'll not be getting any child benefit, tax credits, etc to cover them - as she would be if she was the RP.

So you could offer to give her a little to cover food if they're there for a substantial length of time (a week or more). Or send them with a little spending money each to cover treats, etc if you're feeling generous. But you're not obliged to.

When my ex pulls this, I don't hand money over. I might supply DD with food but I don't give him money. I'm under no obligation to give him anything, he pays the basic £5 per week thru the CSA but I'd rather ensure DD isn't going hungry at her dads if she goes there.

If she is genuinely struggling for money, then maybe send them with some food and spending money , if they are old enough.

I think she is black mailing you with this. Suggest you give her the money and tell her you will need the CSA payment to cover what you have to give her. That should soon shut her up.

Sod giving money! You are entitled to CSA from her. Why on earth should you pay her for the time she spends with her own children. Benefits or not, most people would go hungry themselves to see their own children through.

However, if you are worried, pack a little lunch box of foods for your DSC.

If she asks for money then I'd ask what exactly she wants the money for. And instead of giving money I'd supply what she says she's going to need it for - provided it's for genuine practical reasons.

Still, it's bloody ridiculous if your receiving nothing and have the children full time. She's asking you pretty much for help when she has them. Where exactly is her help when you have them the majority of the time.

Thanks for your help everyone. At least I know that we have not been doing anything wrong by not paying her anything.

I don't think it would be useful to pursue a contribution from her as that would just make things worse.
It does feel like blackmail, and worse because she is trying to involve the children. We'll see if we can come to a compromise.

nerdy

We have DSD full time too and Don't bother to ask for maintenance as it would only be £5 per week and would cost a lot of agro - (I personally feel it is the principle but that's DHs call really).

This is just a joke though - asking you for money!! I'd be Fucking livid!