When to tell 5yo SD (and her Mum) that we're having a baby?

[Angelina77]

I'm only very early on but I've been wondering about this since before I got pregnant. My partner's relationship with his ex has been quite fraught and they are still in mediation for their divorce, mostly finances as the access has been loosley agreed. He's been paying £500 in maintenance for 18 months but soon we won't be able to afford that and she's going to need to know about the baby.

He's probably going to have to tell her within the next month in the final mediation meeting but we're worried that she will then tell SD and we would rather it came from us.

So, should we tell SD soon, when she's with us and then let ex know over the phone before SD goes home? Is that a really bad way to handle it?

Anyone else in the same boat?

"Add message | Report | Message poster mumandboys123 Thu 07-Nov-13 19:46:14
No, you miss the point. There is no impact on the NRP's household's income should the PWC choose to have another child."

So you don't believe that a fathers children are part of his household? Nice

Allnew has hit fuck all. If a PWC decides to stretch the household budget a little further, that is completely different to a NRP deciding to take away money from the household budget when that budget is supporting the child. In the OP's example, the child's mother will get less than half of what she gets now in terms of contribution for the child that presumably the OP's partner decided to have without a gun pointed to his head. Never mind the ink being dry on the divorce papers; the papers haven't even been drawn up yet and the father is already reneging on his commitment to his daughter.

If it seems that way to 'everyone else', what makes you so convinced that you're right?

"If a PWC decides to stretch the household budget a little further, that is completely different to a NRP deciding to take away money from the household budget when that budget is supporting the child"

You do realise that stretching the hh budget a little further means less money for those in it, right? whatever phrase you use to dress it up, the effect on the children is the same as when maintenance from an NRP is reduced.

Both men and women are going to have to accept that we live in a society where marriage is not expected of parents having children and that divorce is not the shameful thing it once was.

So when parents split up both sides can move on.

No point getting bitter about it, its the rules of our society.

My DH didn't much like having to reduce contact to EOW and another man seeing him more than he ever will. I doubt his ex really liked my DH moving on and having more children.

Life is a bitch, we just got to accept our circumstances, stop blaming each other and playing victim one-upmanship.

No one on this thread is advocating abandoning the children. CM is for the child not the former spouse.

If the former spouse feels entitled to spousal support and then they should pursue their ex for it.