new baby and DSC.

[flowerpotgirl12]

Hi, I'm having my first baby and have 2 dsc, I like my dsc and am quite happy when they come to visit but I have little to do with the raising or playing parent, I obviously cook and do the washing when here but we're not really that close, only known them a year and as they don't come every week (they live far away, so visit a couple of times a month at most).

I am worried that when my DC comes along, I will obviously be more attached and mum like with the baby. I don't want them to feel left out or jealous of the family life, as dp here.

I guess what i'm asking is the best way to try and deal with a new baby and DSC that i'm not that close to?

My DCs have a new baby brother via their dad. They're not close to their SM either, so in a sense there's not much of an issue with jealousy of the new baby really - they know she's his mum and not theirs. It's probably more your DP who needs to make sure he makes time for his older DCs so they don't feel they've lost him to the new baby.

Not sure how old your DSC are - but if they're a good few years older then there's probably lots of things you can do as a family of 3 that they won't much care for (visting your family, etc) so you can do that sort of family thing when they're not around. If possible save the things that they'd really enjoy for when they are with you. Or don't mention them - you've got a couple of years at least before your new one starts blabbing about what he/she's been up to with you when the DSC weren't around.

The one thing I would say for you is to make sure you include them as much as possible in helping out and playing with the new baby. I think my Ex's DW found it hard to trust anyone else with her new baby at first and my DCs felt a bit hurt that they weren't allowed to hold him, etc. You need to make sure they're careful of course, but really nice if they can be allowed to hold the new baby, help care for it, etc and see it as their new sibling.

Thanks, they're 9 & 12 so a fair bit older. I definitely want them to look at the baby as a their sibling and to have a good relationship with him/her. So will try to make sure to include them in baby things.

I am hoping that when the baby is born it will make me and the DSC closer as will understand parenting more, at not feel so uncomfortable, if that makes sense.

That's very similar ages to mine - they were 8 and nearly 12 when their baby brother was born. They were excited at first, then got a bit bored of him (and frustrated at not being allowed to hold him), but now that he's walking and talking he's become much more fun. I had hoped it might bring their DSM a bit closer to my DCs though - but this hasn't happened. That may just be her lack of interest though. I think seeing your own DC grow very fond of them ought to help.

It might be a good opportunity for dad to get their baby pictures out?

Look dc you have the same nose as the baby, I remember when you did x, you used to laugh at y...

You will certainly be different with your own dc, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing