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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Tears and tantrums and wicked sm

9 replies

taxiforme · 31/10/2013 19:42

Dsd is 16 in a couple of weeks. Her mum has already taken her to Thorpe park for birthday treat and my dh took her and the other dsc away for three days this week. I knew she also wanted some friends round here.
I find out that a party has been organised by her at our house (dh said that it would be ok to "have some friends round") but didn't consult me about the date. It is when I am away for three days. She has also invited 14!! I know my dh was cross about this as I saw his text to her about it (which is how I realised what was being planned). I saw the text by accident when he asked me to text her whist he was driving (not snooping).
I am really mad at them. We live in his ex mh and I feel sometimes like I am a guest in my own home. Dh is not the rp they are here 2 nights a week but it is their childhood home.
I have made it clear that I am not happy about the lack if respect and told dh that I feel taken advantage of.
I do not want 14 16yo in my house partying when I am away. Dsd has taken advantage by inviting 14 (not the 4/6 that my dh said he agreed).
Anyway after a bit of a blow up last night when I found out I have said that she can have the party, just on a different date when I am at home. This has (apparently) prompted floods of tears that there won't be a party, dh is Disney faffing to the max, feels he has let her down and I am bring made to feel like a grade 1 sh*t.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheMumsRush · 31/10/2013 20:12

Ummm? That's a tough one, put yourself in her shoes, it's her childhood home. Being a step mum is the hardest thing ever and I'm the first one to jump to the step mums defence, but, it's her home, lots of memories, it looks like you are trying to control things too much. Kids will try it on, she said 6 and it's 14, that's wrong, but think back to when you were her age. We all pushed the boundaries. Can I ask why you want to be there? (I'd rather leave it to my dh lol).

Original poster
taxiforme · 31/10/2013 20:41

Ok it's against a background that she is astonishingly demanding and manipulative.I should have made that clear.
I know that sounds harsh, but I think I need to make a stand. It is also about my dh's relationship with her (she completely dominates him) as it appears that the date was arranged without me having any say and "behind my back"(as she knew that I would say no to 14 and veto an expensive take away which is what she has planned).

OP posts:
sanityseeker75 · 01/11/2013 11:18

Whilst I can see you you are not happy that this was arranged behind your back I would certainly allow it to go ahead whilst your not there to run around and tidy up after everyone and tell DH to let you know when the house is back to the state you left it in. Let him deal with 14 16YO and see if he still loves disneying it then.

flowerpotgirl12 · 01/11/2013 12:47

I don't think you are being unreasonable, it is the point that it is your home now as well and you should have a say in what happens. It is your DH that needs to sort this out, when he found out it was 14 he should have said no I said 6 and that's the end of it. She is a teenager and is going to push as much as she cans, it's your DH who needs to put his foot down.

LackingEnergy · 01/11/2013 13:29

Let her have the party but make it clear to your DH and DSD that the house is to be immaculate when you get home and that nothing is to get broken or go walkabout that's pretty much what I'd say if ds wanted a party while I was away, he's 3 so not at the partying stage yet :-)

Wouldn't be thrilled about expensive take aways when bog standard party nibbles ect would be fine. Will there be booze? There was a lot of booze at my 16th

Mojavewonderer · 01/11/2013 15:26

I can't believe people are saying let her have the party!!
So she's invited more than double the people and on a date which isn't suitable and has basically gone against everything and is on top of that throwing her weight around too Shock
Stand your ground op and either come to some sort of compromise or go back to the original plan. She should not be allowed to act like this it's not teaching her anything accept maybe she can walk all over you all and get away with it. I have step children so I know how it can be.

Original poster
taxiforme · 03/11/2013 09:42

Thanks all, it's all gone quiet..my dh says she has "cancelled it" but I suspect not! I think I might let it ride and see what happens. I know I sound like a right biatch but she has been away for half term with us and her mum and dad bought her an iphone too, she can hardly complain!! The date I suggested as a compromise was the day after her birthday, her date- two weeks before.

OP posts:
YesterdayI · 03/11/2013 22:25

I would be very wary of any 16 year olds party, especially one with 14 guests. The last three parties that my DD has attended have all ended badly. She has lovely seemingly respectable friends and we live in a naice area ....but one party ended in the police being called, one had some boys sneaking upstairs to smoke weed in a child's bedroom and the last one was gate crashed by loads of kids one of whom vomited all over a cream sofa.
Not only were kids getting very drunk at all three parties but at two of the parties couples disappeared for while... Confused
My 16 year old DD thinks the parents must be crazy to allow parties in the home.

OP what about offering to rent a hall for your DSDs party?

WholeNutt · 05/11/2013 20:58

You're not at all unreasonable, it's also your home and presumably you also contribute to its financial running. You should have been asked and your views been respected not just as a sm but as a person who lives in the same house!

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