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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

Help! Meeting step son for the first time later

12 replies

yummum19 · 27/10/2013 15:53

My partners son is 4 and I'm meeting him for the first time tonight and I'm petrified. We have a 1 year old DD together and this will also be the first time they meet.

Im worried because I have no idea what is expected of me. From what DP has told me he is a very violent child. Constantly throwing things at people and he has pushed his cousin down the stairs! Neither DP or his ex tell him off so how do I approach this? I can't have my DD be put in danger. Also DP's ex hates me for some reason (haven't met her before either) and comes across as a not very nice person at all so I'm also worried DPs ds might already have a view of me based on what his ex thinks of me.

Am I worrying too much or do I have reason to approach with caution? Any advice will be much appreciated! Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 27/10/2013 16:02

Poor kid. Does he have support?

NatashaBee · 27/10/2013 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

yummum19 · 27/10/2013 16:14

I don't know a lot of what goes on but he's had to have all his front teeth taken out because they're rotten, they think he has ADHD and he regularly got sent home from nursery when he went so evidence suggests maybe not! If DP doesn't discipline him then how would it be my place to. How should the first meeting go? He doesn't even know he has a half sister? ( DPs ex's choice not ours)

OP posts:

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 27/10/2013 16:16

Your dh sounds like a shit dad.
Not sure I could respect him tbh.

Original poster

yummum19 · 27/10/2013 16:49

He's not a shit dad I just think he finds it difficult co-parenting with someone who obviously is a shit parent. But what should I do/don't in regards to disciplining his son?

OP posts:

Bythebeach · 27/10/2013 16:56

What you do with regards to disciplining him is something you will need to discuss with his dad!! You're not his parent and the amount of disciplining or not will likely depend on the dad's views and how much time dss spends with you.

Having said that, if he is doing something destructive or dangerous, don't be afraid to tell him to stop!!

eslteacher · 27/10/2013 16:56

I presume you must know your DP doesn't discipline his son because he told you himself ? So how did he justify it to you?

mumandboys123 · 27/10/2013 17:26

how is it that you have a year old child with someone but are only just meeting his child?

lunar1 · 27/10/2013 18:33

How much time does your so spend with his son and where so they see each other if you haven't met?

SirChenjin · 27/10/2013 18:35

Why have you not met his son before now?

MirandaWest · 27/10/2013 18:39

I hope the meeting goes well. I am also wondering how you have known him over 18 months and not met his DS though.

Original poster

yummum19 · 27/10/2013 23:18

DPs ex refused contact when they first split up, DP took her to court and it was first decided he would slowly introduce himself back into his sons life before we met him. His ex has fought for ages saying she didn't want me and DD to meet him but it has now gone back to court and they said we could have him 3 days a week and be allowed to integrate him into our family.

OP posts:

Flip