That Friday Feeling.....

[entersandmum]

Although the relationship between Dsd9 and myself has improved, (mainly due to me detaching and saying no to my glorified babysitter duties), we have a family, (mine), function at the weekend.

The function is mainly geared around kids and I know my DCs love going, so why am I filled with dread at the thought of taking Dsd?

It has taken a lot of discussion and a few years for DP to curb his disney dad ways but we still have a few issues.

Dsd is only a child and the lack of boundaries since DP and ExW split up has really had an effect on her behaviour.

Dsd can be exceptionally rude about other people, overweight, disability etc. She doesn't really seem to get along with other children and can be quite mean and.......I can't quite describe this but she has a bit of a fixation on her dad. DP doesn't seem to realise and thinks it is sweet that she is so affectionate, (maybe if she was a toddler??), but it makes me uncomfortable and a close friend has commented upon it so I know its not just in my head.

Examples:

Overly kissing DP and snuggling on the sofa
Never more than 2 ft away from DP and jealous when he kisses me
holding hands and feeding each other at the table
kissing DPs bare chest
getting into my side of the bed and snuggling DP as soon as i get up with DD4, I feel uncomfortable going back in the room
jumping up and wrapping her legs around DP

There are many more examples and Dsd9 looks a lot older than 9. I have tried to broach the subject with DP but it is a very sensitive one and although this is done perfectly innocently it does seem bizarre.

Anyway its Friday, I'm off work and Dsd9 will be here in 6 hours....I'm just enjoying the peace whilst it lasts

entersandmum - I feel your pain!
My step daughter was similar to this when she was 10/11. She would climb all over her dad kissing and cuddling, she would write little 'i love you' notes for him and write 'i love Daddy' in the bathroom steam. I remember one night she was cuddling him on the couch, kissing every one of his fingers, his ears and doing little flirty giggles. I was pretty weirded out that night but luckily it made my husband uncomfortable too so he told her to pack it in.
I know that her behavior must have been because she felt insecure. For various reasons we're pretty sure that her mum has made comments to her like 'he's only interested in his new wife now' ect. I really think she felt like she had to compete with me and would climb inbeween us and turn her back to me while kissing and cudding him.
I even wondered whether I was just being jealous but if I saw anyones kid being that affectionate to their parent infront of me then I know that'd make me feel uncomfortable too. I'm pretty sure that she was 'overacting' infront of me too and probably not so much when they were alone. Could your sd be doing the same?
Luckily she's quite a bit better now she's almost a teenager. She'll still come over and hug him but nothing like she used to.

I think your SD is insecure too and that's why she is unpleasant about other people. When kids are secure they don't need to look down on others. I obviously don't know the background, but step kids in my experience often are insecure as they are moved between 2 families.

I think all this overt show of affection is primarily to establish her hold on her dad, to try to show her that he loves her more than he loves you and possibly to demonstrate to you that she loves her dad more than you! I think by the age of 9 your DH should be gently disentangling himself (literally) from some of this behaviour.

I am a M and SM but thank god my SD is grown with her own family and living miles away............I never got used to it really and there were constant arguments in our house during those years.

I think there must be thousands of people and kids who are suffering (sorry I don't mean to sound judgemental) because of the while step parenting thing. The thing is it isn't natural - animals don't do it. In fact the lion will kill the lion cubs of a lioness that he wants to mate, to preserve his gene pool! Not suggesting that as a remedy!

Yeh, I totally get why lions do that now, haha ;)

DSD was like this but she seems to be easing off a bit now.
I used to go off and leave her to it as it would make me cringe. She would hold DPs face in her hands and slobber all over him - it was quite revolting to watch!
I think she feels more secure here now and although still over clingy and needy at times she is much better!

And I stopped her getting In to bed with us. I got slated on MN for it but I felt invaded.

DSS is now at Uni, so thankfully access weekends are now a thing of the past, but I totally identify with the OP, although I used to get "that Thursday feeling."

No, there's nothing natural about blended families, it's hard say if the arrangements actually work well for anyone.

Having every weekend child free is weird, but in a nice way. DH and I haven't had a single argument since DSS started Uni. And it will actually be nice to see DSS at Christmas.

Petal you have definitely earnt this spell of peace and quiet. Enjoy it! X