Shit! all this time on MN and just realised DH is disney

[fairy1303]

I'm so pissed off.

I'm absolutely sick of having no support.

Literally everything I say to DSD, DH will wade in...'well don't you think you're being a bit hard on her fairy? she was only xyz...'

Even small things - yesterday DSD was messing around pretending to punch. I don't like this. I asked her not to do it (she's 8). I said, although you might be joking, you might accidentally hurt someone, and it is just not a very nice thing to be doing. Also I have a small DS and I don't want him copying this as he gets older.

DH - 'oh come on Fairy! she's just being silly, weren't you darling? she wouldn't have hurt anyone!'

DSD will now often say when I tell her off and DH is at work 'If Daddy was here he would tell you off!' and she's probably right!

I'm fucking sick of it.

I look after her full time. Her behaviour has become awful and I am probably a bit on the strict side but he just won't support me on anything.

It has got worse since DS has been born, not sure why.

Poor Fairy, you're having a rough time of it at the mo, aren't you? Would he be willing to a frank (child free) conversation about children, boundaries and your role? It seems like he needs to think about it all wrt DSD's behaviour, her listening to you (and having a united front), as well as w her mother (which I know has been the subject of anor thread).

Fairy - just a hold hand support as I'm feeling much the same at the mo and in a similar - primary carer- role. Feel free to message and let off steam to me, I feel it helps to have a good rant!

I would tell him that whilst ur doing 90% of the care....basically shut up. He can raise it in private if he wants but not in front of her.

With dsd I would maybe pick 3 key areas to concentrate on and slack off the others, they can be the next 3 areas. She is probably resenting ds being born and not being the youngest/baby.

It may also be a strange way of saying how much she actually likes you. In that before ds was born she was all yours, and now as he is ur biological child will you love him more than her.

Maybe he is overcompensating so she doesn't feel pushed out by the new baby?
That's no excuse for undermining you like this though.
I would say to him that unless he allows you to parent her properly when she is in your care then you won't look after her alone. She won't respect you if he carries on like this and you will end up being walked all over by an 8 year old!
He can't have it both ways - if he wants to be Disney then he should do it alone. If he wants your help he needs to let you do it your way.

I could have written that post fairy! All except the looking after dsd full time. It's so tough at times and thank god we can vent on hear