Ex angry about DSS texting us

[balia]

Don't know where to start and don't want to drip feed, but trying to keep it simple...

DSS (11) has suddenly started texting DH & me & my DD (his stepsister) over the last couple of weeks. We were thrilled as usually there isn't any contact between contact visits.

Turns out that he has been 'smuggling' his phone into school and texting us from there. Ex is very angry about this. She says 'everyone knows' that mobiles give you brain cancer (although she has one, and so does her elder DS, and she insisted on her daily phonecall when we went on holiday this year even though we were using a mobile) and that DSS doesn't need to be in contact. She wants us to take DSS's mobile off him (DH bought it for him for his birthday).

Obviously, DSS is upset, and DH and I aren't sure what to do. He's allowed to have the phone in school (so long as it isn't out in lessons) and we have said that in Mum's house he has to follow her rules. He says he didn't lie to her, he asked if he could take the phone into school to take photos of a piece of work and then it just came to him that he could then text us. We aren't sure if this is true, TBH, but do feel that ex is being unreasonable.

Is concern about brain cancer likely to be her genuine reason? Is it likely she does think that this amount of exposure may cause it? Or it likely to be a made up excuse and she has another reason for objecting to him contacting you during her time?

Hmm, could you point out the only tiny risks of brain cancer involve the phone being held next to the head? So using a phone to text held away from the body would have zero risk. So, tell ex that you've explained to him to not hold the phone against his head for prolonged periods regularly...

Basically, it's a control thing, she wants you to take it away do she doesn't have to say that the problem is who he's using the phone to contact, not that he's using a phone.

She does have a number of anxieties that appear to be genuine (she has an anxiety-related MH disorder) and she has said to her other son that he should text with his phone, and not carry it in his trouser pockets, so I don't think she is entirely making it up. But as I say, it is a very convenient anxiety; she can cope if DSS needs to use a mobile to call her when with us. DSS says he doesn't believe in the brain-cancer thing, and points out that if it was true, she wouldn't have one herself. She says if DSS 'really' wanted to contact his Dad, he would ask her if he could use the landline. DSS says he does ask, but there's always an excuse why he can't phone 'right now' and that she gets cross if he asks again.

It's definitely a control thing I'm afraid. My husband wasn't even given his children's mobile phone numbers because apparently if he didn't text a reply straight away the kids would be upset??? Well he got their numbers and text them back straight away (even when at work) but they soon got bored and stopped texting him! We wanted to buy them all phones for their birthdays but we were told they wouldn't be allowed phones until they were 16, the eldest is 11! Anyway we just sigh and carry on.
There's not really anything you can do except encourage your step kids to adhere to mums rules. Obviously if it starts getting out of hand then something will have to be said to mum.