What are the main things you do for your step kids?

[lostblonde86]

Just that, also what do you not do?

Just wondering as I think I've got it all wrong

Pay thru the feckin nose! Seriously though I have a dsd who lives here and I do everything that I would do for my own dcs. From dealing with school, health,discipline. The works.
With the dsd who lives with her dm, I don't do a great deal. We have her regularly and I feed her. That's about it. Though she is still treated the same as the others when here,if that makes sense. Text or fb occasionally but that's the extent of it x

Mostly I try to set a good example. Mum is chaos personified, but here we are organised, clean, tidy etc. I help enforce house rules, but beyond that discipline is DP's job. I try to make sure that the time the girls spend here they get quality time with their dad, which does mean I take on the majority of the housework. The flip side of that is that DP is the parent so he does the parenting. Works for us. If you are struggling try reading the Stepparents (sp?) Parachute, it put a lot of my worries to rest. Honestly though Blonde, you are probably doing better than you think. This step mothering lark isn't straight forward!

The same as I do for my biological kids when they are here -karate gradings, swimming, feeding, washing, day trips, holidays, nit removal (yum!) obviously I do very little re school unless they bring homework here - which I think they have done twice in 8 years. What do you think you're doing wrong?

I do all the practical stuff I do for my own. Cooking, washing, ironing. I try to leave the actual parenting to DP but often do have to step in when he goes soft needs me to!
I help with homework where I can and do the girly stuff for DSD, like help with her hair, choose outfits etc because DP is useless at all that.
DP does all the fetching and carrying and school stuff.
DP however does nothing for my dc which gets right on my nerves!!

We have DSS (8) eow Thurs - Mon. No kids of my/our own.

DP does: all the pick ups/drop offs, general ferrying around to activities and birthday parties, homework supervision, bedtimes.

I do: all of the cooking, and while he is here I do a bigger share of the housework than I generally do (so DP can focus more on DSS). I generally end up looking after DSS by myself for a couple of hours or so at some point in the weekend while DP nips out to do something. I will also do pick ups/drop offs / ferrying if DP has a specific commitment but it doesn't happen that often.

We both play with him a roughly equal amount I think and outings tend to be all together as a three.

When they are with us I treat them as my own. One of them lives with us permanently. I would never treat him any different to my own children.

Most things tbh. Clean,wash clothes, cook, help with homework, play games, chat, discuss issues, referee, take them out where possible (I don't drive) take care of them alone when DH at work. Read stories, everything that a 'mum' would do I think.

Mostly I take a step back and allow her to have a relationship with her dad. Easier when she lives with her DM!
She's great & we get on well but she has a mother and doesn't need another. She also adores my DCs (her half B & S)
I consider us lucky. I had awful experiences with step parents!

Sorry - wrong thread!!
I shouldn't have had that third glass !!!

Thank you everyone, you've all helped to put my mind at ease!

Fraggle, we had texts from the kids mother basically saying all 3 kids weren't happy including me texting the
girls to see if there's anything they would like me to add too weekly shop that'd like. Among other silly things.

I must admit I was really hurt, have always been there for them when they have needed. And do what ever is required, I've never tried to be a mother and never will, I'm just someone extra for them to go too or help if they need it which they all do and have done!
Sometimes i wonder if their mother don't like it we get on or the kids wouldn't Surely say they are happy being here?

All a bit of a jumble sorry

I think it's sometimes really hard to unpick whether its issues that the dcs have or their mum. Recently when we were about to collect the dsc's their mum told us they didn't want to come here ever again as they hated everything about coming here apart from their dad! I was devastated for all of us as we've tried hard for the last 8 years to make our family a happy one. My dh spent an hour talking the the dsc's about what was wrong and most of what she had said simply wasn't true! So do encourage honesty so that issues can be solved with as little drama as possible! Good luck I know how tricky it can be!

Lostblonde,I think you may be correct re wandering if their mother doesn't like it. I relate to that.
Before dsd1 came to live with me fulltime,both dsd's would be picked up on a friday (7pm,takes dh 6 hrs for a round trip) and would arrive at 10pm. I would be in bed and up on a sat am for work. As I work all weekend I saw very little of them. Finish work at 4 on sunday and they set off at 4.30 for the journey home. Their dm loved that I wasn't in contact. However, when I took weekends off and was home say,making cakes or taking them shopping,dm would ring up and go off her head saying the kids were miserable etc.. Now I have her eldest living with me,its come to light that she was the 1 unhappy. Sounds as though she wishes she were in my shoes. And I don't blame her, the shoes I'm standing in are very comfy.
Sounds more the mothers problem than your dsc's.

I do lots of stuff when they're with us - shopping, cooking, chatting to, teaching to cook (which their DM doesn't seem to do at all), etc. I do end up doing quite a bit of the more "mumsy" stuff like taking clothes shopping, or backing, as DP isn't really into those. Even cutting toe nails and treating warts . My own DCs are similar ages so it feels natural to treat them all similarly. Otherwise me and DP would be running as two separate families which would feel odd (and be much harder work).

But I do very little that intrudes on their time with their mum or relates to their lives overall. I might go to watch them in a school play, but wouldn't go to parent teacher evenings and rarely communicate with them in the week when they're at their mum's. I've offered views to DP about choices of schools, GCSE options, etc but don't get involved beyond that.

I would think that if your DSDs didn't like you texting about shopping lists, they would simply ignore the texts wouldn't they? So imagine it must be their mum who for some reason is put out by it. But might be easier to find some other way of asking them, and try to stay out of their lives when they're at their mum's. (not that I think you've done anything wrong, just better to keep things smooth if you can). We have a notepad pinned up in the kitchen that everyone can write requests for shopping onto. You can always ask at the end of their time with you if they have any requests for the next time.

baking not backing, obviously

I have a stepdaughter who was one when me and her dad met she is now 9 years old we do everything girly together shopping ,baking watching movies and she considers me as her best friend, which is great!. I do all her washing ironing school runs when she's in our care.

Pick up from school on evenings / weekends we have contact, take to school following a weekend of contact, buy clothes, toys, cook, clean, grit my teeth and deal with rudeness as feel I can't be as strict as with my own DS.
Change my working hours to fit around someone else's child...
I'm not bitter...
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