A bit of background so as not to drip feed: My DSS is in his early teens and we have contact every other weekend and half the school holidays, although now he's getting older the arrangement is becoming more flexible which is fine. Contact has been messy over the years with court and social services involvement due to his mother's behaviour and our relationship with his mother is fairly horrendous. DH and I have been married six years and together nearly nine. DSS loves his mother very much but their relationship is difficult and he views our house as a sanctuary from his mother, but won't leave her to come and live with us full time, which we understand but make it clear he is always welcome.
DH and I are expecting our first baby at the end of this year. DSS had seemed slightly excited when we told him back in June and we have tried hard to strike a balance between including him in discussions about the baby but not talking about the baby too much. We have given him the option of moving bedroom when the baby comes, which he has taken, and he is excited about his new room, picking paint colour etc.
There was an incident with his mother last night and DH had to go over there to calm things down. His mother told us that DSS is dreading the new baby and wants nothing to do with it. DH spoke to DSS about it who admitted that he does have worries but is also telling his mother what he thinks she wants to hear. In the back of mind I'm wondering whether he's now telling DH what he thinks he wants to hear also! DH has tried to reassure him that he will always be his first child, always important and a part of our family and it seemed to go down well.
What can we do between now and the baby being born to help him feel more positive about it? Should we be talking about the baby more with him? Any tips from those of you that have been here before are much appreciated.