Give me hope

[Emilyeggs]

Have any of you got to a point where you thought, I just can't do it any more? I feel quite low at the moment, I try so hard with the kids but the last 3/4 access weekends have left me questioning my relationship with my dsd. I think 5 years of negitive feeling towards me (intentional or otherwise) from their mum from such a young age has taken its toll. To add to that, I get shut down by DH when I try to talk about how it makes me feel. . Fed up

Oh dear, Emily. I think it's very demoralising when you just keep trying and plugging away and you're resented and looked down on for it. With any other relationship (a friend, acquaintance, work colleague, boyfriend, girlfriend you'd only try for so long then naturally, give up and walk away from the negativity. Women's magazines are full of articles about increasing self esteem and they all advise cutting out stuff/people that bring you down. Excellent advice. However, this person is is your partner's child. There's no walking away from her. What you can do is distance yourself mentally and when possible, physically too. My guess is, it empowers her to think she is making you miserable and you and her dad are at odds with each other (ie he sides with her against you) about it. Take her power away. Your partner needs to show his daughter that as much as he loves her and she is very precious to him, that ostracising you (another person he loves and who is precious to him) will NOT be tolerated. (Assuming you haven't been awful to her in some way!).

It didn't work for me (don't see SD anymore) but frankly, my life is easier that way. DH supports me in this. He has told his daughter he loves her and misses her but, her appalling behaviour toward me is not acceptable.

P.s. My own self esteem went completely down the toilet after a few years of disdain, from DH's daughter. It has still not fully recovered and for that reason, I cannot put myself in her 'way' again.

Thanks, I'm glad you're DH supported you, that so important. My dsd is still young so not seeing her is not an option. I'll probably be ok tomorrow but sometimes it just gets you down. No, I've never done anything awful to her, I would understand otherwise. I've taken her shopping, swimming, baked and bought gifts/clothes. Things I've seen and thought ooo! Dsd would like that! And it was all good....but recently, her attitude/behaviour has changed. I know her mum has made it obvious she doesn't like me, dsd told me! It must be very confusing for her

There could well be a conflict of loyalties then, if her mum has made it clear she doesn't like you. My husband's ex dislikes me. Her affair ended their marriage and I met DH years later but you'd imagine from the ridiculous treading on eggshells, that I'd split their marriage up and been the other woman.

No one, not even DH wanted to tell his ex that we'd married. I'd been really upset about p, that like I was some nasty little secret.

Maybe, as she grows up, your relationship with her will return to a more amicable one. Maybe, she just won't accept you. It's difficult for me because I like his other two kids and they get on ok with me but the youngest objects even to that so, it's only a matter of time...