Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

How do you split the holidays?

12 replies

zazas · 22/06/2006 14:51

My DP and his ex are currently in a 'dispute' over the summer school holidays. Out of the 6 weeks - we have them for 2 (on holiday) / ex is having them for 2 (on holiday) / plus we have DS for one of the week's where he is going to a daily activity camp with my dd. We are also having them 5 out of the 7 weekends and we also have them once a week as usual. It leaves ex 1 week to full in for ds and 2 weeks to full in for dd. However she wants DP to take the kids for part of that as she needs to work. She is self employed as an artist with very flexible hours. DP runs his own business and can't afford the time or money to not be at work especially leading up to 2 weeks holiday. He has offered to have them for some of that time but said that they will have to go to an out of school club on those days and that they should split the cost. Is this fair? She can claim child care through working tax credit (which we can't) but she says that she won't be 'bullied' into paying for it. Where do you draw the line?
Meanwhile with regard to my ex and our kids - he is having them 9 days out of the whole holidays. I will have the 2 week break with them and use out of school providers for the rest. They are resident with me, ex pays child support / I received child benefit and child tax credit - for me that is fair.....

OP posts:
reflection · 22/06/2006 18:07

It certainly sounds to me that you are being more than reasonable. It is she that is doing the bullying.

zazas · 22/06/2006 19:34

Thanks, I feel that we are but as usual emotion gets in the way and my DP feels ever so guilty saying "no" to having the children. I seem to be the voice of reason but also the bad guy!

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 23/06/2006 08:19

Hello zazas

Agree with reflection - you're doing your fair share, in fact you're probably doing more than that

Nail on the head with 'voice of reason but also the bad guy' - that seems to apply very often when you're a stepmum

Frizbe · 23/06/2006 08:32

your defo doing your fair share, we're having ss for the 1st 3 weeks incl weekends of the hols, then his mum is having him for the remaining two weeks & weekends, then we have him the weekend before he goes back to school. We usually split the other hols half and half as well.

Surfermum · 23/06/2006 14:09

We have dsd for 2 separate weeks in the summer holiday and a weekend in between the two. We'd have her for more if we were allowed, and if I'm totally honest if we were asked to have her more we would have her, even for the whole 6 weeks.

What I don't think is reasonable is expecting them to come to you and you have to pay for an out of school club when she could get it for free. That seems daft to me.

Lasvegas · 23/06/2006 16:08

We have my step kids - 3 weeks in summer, every half term for whole week, 1 week at Easter, 5 days Christmas Hols and every 3rd weekend. MIL does free childcare but if we were paying for childcare I wouldn't be as happy with this arrangement.

zazas · 23/06/2006 19:54

Glad to hear that others feel that our arrangements seem pretty fair...... We have come to a sort of agreement. I guess it is the usual thing, ex tends to 'manipulate' dp over things and he always reacts emotionally. Being the practical one sometimes make me look like the mean one. We to would have them with us most of the holidays but putting them (all 4) in holiday club is rather expensive! DP now undrstand this!!!!

OP posts:
Boosta · 27/07/2006 17:01

we have only got my SD & SS for 8 days holiday (abroad) this summer holiday & for 2 of the 3 weekends we should have them. 1 of our weekends their mother has reclaimed.

we would love to have them more of the time but we are never allowed to see them without causing all sorts of arguments, so after years of this we have given up.

over the xmas hols last year we only had them for 2 days, 1 was my DS's birthday and the other was xmas day (as it was our turn). other than that we weren't allowed to see them at all.

you all seem to have a fairly good system worked out, i only wish my husband's ex was so reasonable! my DS loves spending time with his SS & SB but unfortunately rarely gets the opportunity!

Boosta · 27/07/2006 17:01

we have only got my SD & SS for 8 days holiday (abroad) this summer holiday & for 2 of the 3 weekends we should have them. 1 of our weekends their mother has reclaimed.

we would love to have them more of the time but we are never allowed to see them without causing all sorts of arguments, so after years of this we have given up.

over the xmas hols last year we only had them for 2 days, 1 was my DS's birthday and the other was xmas day (as it was our turn). other than that we weren't allowed to see them at all.

you all seem to have a fairly good system worked out, i only wish my husband's ex was so reasonable! my DS loves spending time with his SS & SB but unfortunately rarely gets the opportunity!

Judy1234 · 14/08/2006 00:01

Sounds fair. Mine are off for 9 weeks. Their father has them for 2 nights in total. He is on 9 weeks school holiday. I work full time and support us all with nothing from him. I can take 2 weeks off (unpaid) but have to pay for the rest of the summer. I wish he were as helpful as you are.

stepthisway · 14/08/2006 22:15

2 weeks with us, 2 weeks with mum

Other 2 weeks one is on camp and one with mum (but some nights spent with us). He is older so we don't like him to feel pressured to stay with us. last week will be spent with mum.

I have an issue with older Sk - ie 16 in our case. I don't think they should be forced into the type of arrangements that worked when they were little-ies just because it suits either parent - I think they should have a bit of choice!

catemary · 17/08/2006 11:23

I think that's perfectly fair. She's bullying. You're not her babysitter, she needs to take responsibility for HER kids too!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page