Am I wrong

[Kimmyrich]

Whenever I feel my DP's DS does something I feel he needs to be brought up on and say something he doesn't like it and we and up having a argument about it.

Am I wrong and should just let him deal with it all (however we do have a DS of our own of 6 months old).

One very confused step parent

You argue with your DP? Or his DS?

If you and your DP have agreed the house rules together and his DS is breaking them, then yes you should be able to bring him up on it. Thought it might be best if possible to get your DP to do it, if he's around at the time.

If you're making up the rules as you go along, and (inadvertently) asking the DS to do things he's not used to doing, the you're bound to end up with arguments.

Arguing with my DP and it's putting so much pressure on our relationship.

Have you both sat down and agreed house rules for dss? If you're both clear on what's allowed and what isn't, there's less room for excuse making.

I agree with redhen. There have to be house rules that you and your DP have agreed on, and there have to be consequences laid out for when they are broken. Once you and your DP have decided what those should be, then they need to be made clear to your DSS. Personally, I think that any adult 'head of household' ought to be able to enforce house rules, remind the kids when they're breaking (or about to break) one, and also to impose consequences. In reality, I do a lot of reminding, but DH usually delivers the consequences. If my DSC were younger, I think it would be easier for me to do both.

'House rules', for me at least, are sometimes different from rules about the kids' development. I won't try to argue for rules about what my DSCs wear, for example - as far as I'm concerned, that doesn't really affect me or my DSD -who is enough younger than the DSCs that it is easy enough to have separate rules about such things for her as she grows up, and if she says later "but DSD is allowed to wear a bikini", I am quite happy to say "yes, but I am not DSD's mum".

On the other hand, I do have a say in rules or decisions about how much is spent on clothes, how they get washed, whether they can be left on the living room floor, etc...If it affects me, my DD, or the family as a whole, then I get to be involved.

Thanks brdgrl that's sound advice.

You're welcome. :) I find it's also easier to put your case forward to the DP, when you can put it in those terms, rather than opening yourself up to accusations of overstepping or 'just picking on them'.