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Step-parenting

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New step-parent to 5yo

3 replies

randombanana · 08/08/2013 14:25

I've recently moved in (3 months) with my boyfriend who shares custody of his 5yo daughter with his ex. We've both been careful to explain everything to her about the change in situation and have spent lots of time getting to know one another without forcing anything. We've really fallen for each other, me and her, but she's recently started being quite horrible to her dad when I'm around sometimes, and can act conspiratorial, taking my hand and leading me out of the room to talk to me or whispering in my ear so that he can't hear what she's saying.

I'm never mean to him in front of her, so it's not something she has learned and is trying to impress me with! Is it just her way of letting me know she likes me? Is she trying to manipulate him? She does do that anyway - he's a big softy when she's about, but she knows how to push his buttons.

I'm delighted that things are going so well between me and her (so far!), but it makes me and her dad feel sad when she behaves this way. I am trying to make sure that she sees me and him are a team and that I am also seen as an authoritarian figure and not just someone fun to play with, and I'm hoping this will even out eventually. She's only with us for short periods of time, so we do want to make her time with us count, but I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how to respond to this?

OP posts:
Yorkieaddict · 09/08/2013 03:44

I think you are handling it exactly right. It sounds like she is still trying to work out where you fit in the scheme of things, and as long as you and your DP stay consistent then I am sure things will settle down eventually.

sweetpea13 · 09/08/2013 12:15

I agree that it sounds like you're handling it great, just carry on with it. It sounds like she is just testing boundaries and checking where and how everybody fits in to this new set up.
My DS used to be quite similar with my DP (his stepdad), he wouldn't let me do anything, insisted that DP did everything, if I told him off he would run crying to him or would ask for him if he wasn't here. I felt like crap, like I wasn't good enough for him etc but the novelty soon wore off and our relationships are probably now pretty "normal" (if there is such a thing?)

randombanana · 09/08/2013 22:00

Thanks that makes me feel better! It will help me talk to my DP about it too. I think I'm trying to work out where I fit too in a way - being in a parental role but not a parent I mean. Appreciate the advice.

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