contact

[MsColour]

I am posting about my oh's contact with his son - we don't yet live together but will be from September.

He has his son about half the time but without a set pattern. Arrangements revolve around his ex's work shift pattern so if she's on a late my oh will have him all week etc. When I first met him about 18 months ago he rarely had weekend contact - only if his ex was working or if she had a social arrangement. He has now managed to establish that he has every other Saturday and every Tuesday night but she is adamant that he can't have a Sunday as that is a family day and it is her time with her son.

My oh is getting increasingly frustrated with arrangements and so am I. She has the control and now she has her boyfriend living with her my oh is feeling like she is trying to replace him as she has said a couple of times that her oh could have DSS instead. The weekend just gone we did have DSS because his mum had a spa day but he kept moaning all day that he wanted his mum because Sunday's are his day with his mum.

It also gets frustrating because she is always texting and there are frequent arguments between them.

My other half isn't the type to take it through the courts. Mediation would be a good idea but money is lacking and I'm not sure she'd do it. Would just be good if she didn't have so much control as it is really getting my other half down.

My children have a set pattern of contact with their dad.

Any words of advice or sympathy?

It definitely need to be structured for the sake of everyone, especially for the son and his routine, and so that he knows what is happening and when.

Is mediation so expensive? may be a court order will need to be the answer to this. My DP had to go to the court for this, and Cafcass were involved. perhaps it might be worth it on the long term to even borrow the money for the sake of having a formal arrangement.

my oh's ex was trying to be very very difficult with the time he spent with the children. The first year me and my OH were together she pushed the children non stop towards us as much as she could for whatever reason, in the sole hope that it would create issues with our relationship. The end result was that we all grew very close together and she became jaleous of this, and since then does the opposite, and tries to limit the time spent with them if she can, but as the time passes and the children are growing, she is more and more limited in the manipulation she can use with the kids...

From what you are describing, she is still bitter about the separation and is using their child to scr*w up his life as much as she can.

Wishing you good luck.