I've been thinking about posting this for a while now and I am sure we will get flamed for being too interfering or something but we genuinely are unable to make our minds up on where to relocate to.
During the 6 weeks hols DSS will move 37 miles from his old hometown to live with his mum and half sister in his stepfathers home.
In sept DSS will start secondary school in his old hometown as his sister is at that school and is in her final year. Plus the ex still works in the old hometown.
DH would've liked DSS to start school local to his new home so he is less likely to be late for school, we are talking a 40 mile morning commute on arterial roads into London with bottlenecks around thames crossing points. Also DSS social life is going be none existent if all his friends are 40 miles away.
The ex doesn't want to put DSS into a local school as she (or actually her husband) does not wan them to be latch key kids. This despite her eldest having been latch key kids already and DSS is very well behaved. DSS is supposed to hang around after school until 6pm so his mum can collect him and take him home. DH has told DSS to go to library and wait, his sister will go to her paternal grans to wait. DSS has no contact there.
DH has agreed to the school arrangement on the understanding that if DSS schooling suffers it be revisited.
As DSS is moving further away, we have decided to move closer, but where do we move to? His old hometown or his new one?
The ex is difficult and communication is very strained. We have no idea if this move is a permanent or temporary arrangement. We are thinking temporary because the schools and place of work are not changing. We could ask the ex but we are being stonewalled at the moment and I don't like the idea of her having the power over where we move to.
Thing is if we move to their old hometown the ex will not necessarily allow DSS to be a latch key kid at ours until DH finishes work. DH actually would be home at about 5pm though. I am sure the ex would think DH would be angling for residency, not that we'd be against that but its up to DSS no one else. Plus we doubt DSS will want to live with us, he his closer to his eldest sister than our DD who is only a toddler.
Initially we were going to move to near DSS new home as it would make contact weekends a lot easier. But if DSS continues to go to school in the old hometown none of his family will live nearby.
Come Sept we will have our 2nd DC and when we do move, we want it to be for good. We have to think about own DCs schooling and DH and I are not prepared to chase the ex around the country if she decides to move again.
Work wise we can commute fairly easily from all locations to central london, we have no family ties here, or in old hometown or new hometown.
DH and I are going in circles. We need to move anyway as we only have a 2 bed and we will soon have 2/3 children sharing this house and we need space!
So my question is WWYD? Stay and buy here (doesn't help DSS and we will be a lot further from his new home, but we don't waste money selling up and moving to the wrong place), or move to his old hometown, or move to his new hometown. BTW we can't rent, monthly rent is more expensive than the mortgage and to move would require me porting the mortgage over so we can't pay it of when we sell. Early payment charge.
For the record, none of this has been mentioned to DSS or his ex as we haven't actually made a decision and its not fair to burden DSS with it all or confuse the ex. And I am not a wicked stepmother trying to justify staying where we are, its expensive here and we'd have some major compromising to do if we remained and bought local to us. I like DSS and we want to make a decision with his best interests at heart.