I just need a rant...

[pinkbear82]

...sorry you lot are going to get my moaning to hopefully atop from saying something I regret to dp. Yes it probably needs saying to him, but right now it will all come out wrong and make everything worse.

dp has 2 dd from his previous marriage. the come to us one night every week and every other weekend. they are 8 and 6. The ew has never liked our relationship and has made things very hard. She'll stop the girls coming if she feels like it and constantly changes arrangements to suit her.

4 weeks ago I had my (our) little girl, and constantly since then I get 'mummy says you don't love us' or 'mummy says baby will get everything we used to get and we'll get nothing'

8 yr old is going through a very spiteful stage and 6 yr old is closely following and in her 'its not me' stage.

Now my dp used to dodge a lot of responsibility - since being with him I have encouraged time between him and his dd and doing things all together if it's been the right thing to do.

I'm currently in the bath and can hear the 6 yr old constantly calling 'daddy' because it's bed time and she doesn't want to go. she causes a fuss over bedtime every time she's here.

Its all gotten to much for me tonight - I don't feel like dp supports me, I feel
his ew rules us and we have to do what she wants so it doesn't upset things. I feel like telling them all to bugger off and stopping doing all the things I do and then letting them
all see how different it would be.

I've been so supportive of dp (he missed our little girls birth because he'd been sent to prison for a stupid risk he took before I knew him) and I had to deal with everything without him. I have supported him with all the crap his ew throws at him. Now he's Home I try not to nag him about helping me out but doing the housework, looking after baby and keeping things as normal as possible is exhausting, I could do without crap from stupid people.

Told you it was a rant, probably doesn't even make sense but I feel less now and less like telling them all to fuck Off.

im sorry to say this but your DP doesn't sound like the best DP or father. What did he do to end up in prison? Presume this was when you were pregnant?

You need to lay it on the line with DP he needs to parent those kids properly. Having a new baby is hard enough and you need total support.

Your DP has to first recognise he has a problem with his parenting, and 2 be prepared to solve it with the assistance of some outside parenting courses if necessary.

If he refuses to acknowledge any issues, if it were me and I never like to offer this advice but I would seriously think about what my other options were in terms of ending your relationship. Especially as things may not improve.

I know what its like to have the EW dictate contact and therefore end up being a 3rd person in your relationship. I can't wait until ours finally let's go of whatever is bothering her and concentrates on her own marriage.

The poor kids get poisoned by mum so your DP has to talk with his girls and reassure them. But spoiling them and not disciplining them is NOT the answer (you know this).

I hope you had a nice bath in the end and congrats on your baby.

I know deep down you are right. I think I've known it for a long time.
Thank you for being supportive and not flaming me.

I will think carefully and make the right decision for me and my little girl.

Pink, we've been married 4 years now and we had the exact same conversation again last night, despite a half year at couple counseling.
Dh just doesn't see the need to parent his dc, although I praise him for his efforts with my ds. We're off soon now for our next appointment and dh has agreed we will talk about his need to buddy/ Disney his kids and ensuring our relationship is never the priority
Will keep you posted.

Feeling, I'm sorry you too are going through similar, but out does kinda make me feel a bit better that other too have the same issues.

Have you found the counselling has helped at all?

I really don't understand the Disney mentality it doesn't solve or help anything yet they really struggle to see it.

Pink, the counseling was a bit of a bandaid really. Always making me feel better for a bit, without actually changing anything.
Then something happened a few days ago. It's difficult to explain, but it was like I'd run out of oxygen and was breaking open the emergency use only tank! Dsc staying with us for a couple of weeks and I just couldn't take the second fiddle role anymore.
I told the counselor how I felt and after what seemed like a game of charades I was finally able to say I wasn't taking the back seat in our home anymore. Yes, living in a blended family is difficult, but it doesn't have to be.
I'm always reading on different posts now how the dhs have to man up and support the sm, without that attitude it will never work.
After drawing a simple diagram of how I see us as a family, the counselor asked dh to fulfill his role as husband and stop ignoring me when dsc are around. We're giving this a try now. But dh knows that this is his last chance. Good luck, xx