Really just looking for some general advice on how to make a blended family, or whatever they are called, work. I have 2 DSs who have just turned 5 and 3. DH and I separated in June 2011 after I found out he was having an affair. He then told me he wanted to be with the other woman rather than me so I filed for divorce a few months later then met my new partner in November 2011. I was with DH for 11 years in what can only be described as an extremely difficult and abusive relationship. Whilst the affair was no surprise the breakdown of the marriage and the callousness with which he left me was still a massive shock. I then met my new partner who has been nothing but amazing to me and is fantastic with DSs. However, he is also divorced with 2 DCs aged 10 and 7. The reason for the split was that he had a 2 year affair although according to him there were other difficulties in the marriage. It took me a long time to accept that he had basically done to his ex what my ex had done to me, albeit it under very different circumstances, but I think I am now ok with it although it has taken a lot of convincing. Anyhow, DP then proposed back in November and we are looking at getting married in a year or so. Whilst I know I love him and he is a great match for me in pretty much every way and makes me really happy, I still have some big fears and concerns about how we would make the blended family work. There are the emotional issues such as my fear that he could have an affair and leave us, however irrational, and also practical/logistical difficulties. He has his children 50% of the time so it would basically mean his children living with us half the time. His children are great and he is a great dad but is just seems like a massive change/risk if we all move in together as there is some much potential for things to go wrong. I earn significantly more than DP and have enough room for his DCs so it would be them moving in with us. Would they ever feel at home and would I ever feel like it wasn't just my house? Then there is money - if I earn 3 times as much as DP then who pays for what? It sounds mean but I do want what I earn to go to my kids rather than DSCs. Can anyone offer and general advice about how to address these issues in a fair way?
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