Tired with the hassle of it all, very long!!

[mansfield]

Live with DP, SD 17, SS 15 and DD aged 2. BM lives 20 miles away and sees SD every weekend as they work together and SS about every 2wks for one night. She does nothing for them unless it fits into her work schedule, no clothes, no trips, holidays etc. etc. I do all shopping, cooking etc and work PT. Anyway huge row with DPs ex. wife last night as she said we dont do our share of dropping off and collecting. There is no routine just when it suits kids and her so dificult to plan. She put phone down on me and said it was none of my business as not real parent and I shouldn't be involved in this. She was screaming down phone saying nobody discussed with her and she'd had enough. I cant believe it. I feel I try really hard to help out and just feel like first class skivvy. SD has now got PT job near her mums and now expects us to drive and collect her some nights, she didn't even ask whether we would be prepared to do it and I'd also got her two phone no.s for jobs near our house which would have been ideal but she didnt return forms. Am I being unreasonable? I'm not sure. DP doesnt really get involved, its like he cant be bothered with his own kids as hes busy at work and says ex. justs puts phone down on him. Also feel he sees kids as a hindrance which I hate as its not there fault. What do I do, at the end of my tether, help please!!

havent got a clue what to say!sounds v.difficult for you. praps the BM feels left out of their lives?im probly totally wrong and someone more experienced with step families will give you some good advice. good luck

Oh mansfield, this sounds terrible! BM is wrong. Out of interest, why doesn't she have custody?

My experience of BMs is that they are completely unreasonable at all times - it is their role . I would also say she is jealous but that doesn't make sense looking at the rest of her behaviour.

DP should be dealing with this - not you. You sound like you are being a great step mum to those children.

Why can't BM pick up her DD from work and have her to stay those nights? Is there a specific reason (medical etc) why she can't be involved? Although I know school nights can be difficult for sleepovers with the other parent.

There should be a routine with the children and her custody so everybody knows where they are. What do your DSS/DSD want?

I think DP should sit down and arrange set nights with BM and agree drop offs with her, in consultation with the children. If BM can't have DD to stay on work nights then she (DD)should find work closer to home.