Bombshell just dropped! - think I've had enough

[notlaughing]

I arrived at a 21st birthday party with my husband and daughter, my two step-daughters were already there. We were met by the mother of the birthday girl with the exclamation how do you feel about your daughter moving home again!!!!

First I'd heard about it! I can't be bothered to go into all the details, but basicaly I live with my husband and his youngest daughter (16) and my daughter (8). It's been really difficult as the 16 year old is very difficult, in the last 2 weeks I finaly thought we were making some progress and might be able to stick together..But I really can't cope with another one moving back...all his kids are slobs, and smoke non-stop, and expect me to run around after them....I can't cope with another one here! I've spent nearly all my savings on turning the house into a home..it's not huge, or precious, but none of them have any respect for anything...even their grandmother wouldn't visit them because they were such slobs!!!

Oh god, how can I put my foot down, without destroying my marriage...It's not like she's destitute....as she's just inherited 40K! she could buy a flat, as she's earning....it's just cheaper and easier for her to move back here!

aaaaaaagh.

No advice but has your dh agreed to this without discussing this with you? If so, I think you need to have a serious talk with him and tell him how you feel

You are a part of the decision making process here, no matter what anyone else thinks. So, unless you have been included in the discussion I would say that nothing has been finalised yet. Your host sounds like a bit of a stirrer tbh. If this is a way to push you into something, tough, I really hope you can stand your ground and be heard. Good luck.

I wouldn't stand for it personally. How old is your stepdaughter? (The one who wants to move back in). If she's earning her own money and is old enough to be supporting herself, then I don't see why she can't find somewhere else to live. I would also be particularly angry at finding out from someone else that your stepdaughter was planning to move back in without your prior knowledge.

Has your dh agreed to this without your consent? If so, I would put my foot down and refuse. This type of major decision should be made TOGETHER, not just by him. Sounds like he is very much taking for granted if he thinks he can just do this to you with discussing it first. My dh did a similar thing to me a few years ago, he pushed and pushed for his teenage son to move in with us, when it wasn't the right decision and I knew it wasn't. (His son was happy living elsewhere but dh was determined that he live with us). I only gave in because dh pushed me so hard about it, and then it didn't work out anyway, in fact I found it extremely difficult and it took AGES to forgive dh for bull-dozing me into it and not listening to me at all. My SS moved out a while ago and I can honestly say things would've been much better all round if he'd never moved in, as we had a great relationship with him before - it's not the same now. As much as I care about him, it was not the right decision and my resentment over it affected our marriage a lot.

I would make a stand if you feel strongly about this, and don't allow the decision to be made without your full agreement first.