Can I ask what other stepmums would do in my situation? DP and I have planned to go to my parents house this weekend (they live over 200 miles away and I only see them every 2 - 3 months). This has been planned for about 3 weeks and I was looking forward to it, especially as we have just had SD7 and SS10 for the last 2 weekends and the whole Easter week and as much as I enjoyed it, I was looking forward to having some quality time with DP and my parents.
2 days ago SS17 rings and asks what we are doing this weekend, so DP tells him we are going to my parents for the weekend. Last night, SS texts DP and asks if we can cancel our plans as he wants to come and stay at ours!
Now the background of it is that SS is in the army and last week was transferred to a camp about an hours drive from us (BM and other stepkids live over 160 miles away in the opposite direction). I said to DP the other day that now he is just down the road from us he is going to want to come to ours virtuatlly every weekend as we are so close and he hates going home on the train which would take over 5 hours from where he is.
Anyway, he texted last night and said could we not cancel as he doesn't want to stay at camp this weekend and doesn't want to go all the way home. All his friends are going to their homes and he will be at the camp on his own all weekend.
Now this put DP and I in an awkward situation as we don't want SS to be on his own all weekend, but in the same breath DP doesn't want to let me or my parents down. SS wont want to come to my parents house as he would have to sleep on the sofa and he will not be able to play his Playstation etc. (we have asked him before and he said this). We are then solidly booked up for the next 4 weekends after (wedding, Birthday, Motorbike Exhibition, and visit of 2 youngest stepkids) and as I haven't seen my parents since January I think it is too long to wait. I could go by myself, but don't see why I should. They want to see DP aswell and will be upset if he doesn't go and will probably tell me not to bother going.
The long and short of it is, this is about the 5th time that this has happened. I don't ask for much, I don't do or go anywhere else except for visiting my parents 5 - 6 times a year. About 5 times now in the last year or so I have had to change my plans because SS wants to come to ours or BM wants us to have 2 youngest stepkids at a different time to our scheduled weekend.
I told DP to text him back and say that I will go on my own and he will stay so SS can come to ours. This has now made me upset and DP upset because he feels he's letting me down again. However, what can I do? If DP sticks to his guns and says we are going away then SS will be upset at being on his own and BM will phone up and have a go at us for being selfish. (this happened once before when we tried to explain that he couldnt stay because we were going away and we ended up cancelling a holiday because BM got nasty and said how dare we put ourselves before their son).
Please don't slate me on this one, I am purely asking what other people would do in this situation. I love my stepchildren to bits and do not begrudge them anything, but also love my family and hate letting them down all the time. I know the obvious solution would be go on my own, end of problem, but I want to go with DP and do feel that as my plans were arranged first we should be able to go.