Does anyone else feel they have to 'reclaim' their home after the stepkids have gone?

[Squirrel3]

I always do it, as soon as they leave I start to tidy and clean until my home is 'normal'. I didn't realise what it was all about until this evening, I started to clean up after them and get the house straight, it wasn't until it was 'normal' and I thought to myself "Ahhhh, feels more like 'home' now I realised what it was all about.

The only way I can describe it is like I am 'reclaiming' my home, it certainly doesn't feel like it is my home when they are here, they tend to 'take over' and I almost feel like a guest (except for the fact I cook, clean and tidy after them). But when they have gone I know that it is my home and I can have things the way I want it.

Of course, I could be completely barking and nobody else does this...

just wanted to say please all carry on posting

As a BM, I read your posts & sometimes ask for advice and realise you are all just here for support - like the rest of us.

I know that none of you caused the break up.

I have had some really good advice over phone calls and visits etc so please dont stop being honest.

I think that maybe people misinterpreted cos they dont know you all. I certainly took it as you meant it Squirrel cos have read some of your posts.

Hi Squirrel, You tidy far to much you know You should get dp to do it but yes I do know what you mean about tidying things away. however in our house it is usually dp who does the tidying after he has taken dss back. He likes a tidy hosue and so anything that is not in regualar use would of course get put away, in the case of dss's toys they go in dss's bedroom. Seems logical to me. Not sure how that can be interrupted as tidying them out of your life mind.
Now we have dd there are some toys in the rest of the house but even still they are kept neat and tidy in boxes etc when dd isnt playing with them. Dp usually does and quick sweep around while I put dd to bed. As soon as she is old enough to play upstairs most of her toys will go up in her room. Our hosue is jsut too small to have loads of stuff lying round.
But then thats what I have come to expect from any thread like this so thats why I never bother to post about any problems I might have with dss. Its not worth the aggro TBH. Funny that when all we want is some good advise on how to deal with difficult problems and surely the fact that we are here means that we care ALOT.

I reclaim the house on a daily basis and I'm just my children's mother! I'm quite sure that my children's "at some point to be step-mother" tidies her home and puts all the children's stuff away after they return to me too. Surely that is fairly normal isn't it?
Don't think you are barking at all Squirrel3!

Nope squirrel you are not mad, many steps feel like this. It does depend on the children and their attitude towards you. I am assuming they are slightly older children.

Oh I totally understand that feeling of 'tidying' up after my step kids have returned to their BM. It is not as if I remove their photos or take their star charts down - if they poped in unexpectedly they would not notice any difference. I just put things away so there is more room again! Can't say it feels more normal or not this way - just cleaner and with 4 kids under 9 in the house any clean space is appreciated by all!

Squirrel - haven't posted for ages as I've been very manic at work. But just wanted to send you a hug - we know what a brilliant SM you are and, IMHO, that's far more important than whether you've accidently chosen the wrong word to express something on an internet site the kids don't see.

PS thought the virtual girls' night out was a hoot when I belatedly caught up with it!

PPS - I share your sentiment about getting the house straight.

Hello Loopy we wondered where you were, hope you're OK

And of course Loopy is spot on - you are a fantastic stepmum

hey loopy nice to see you Theres oysters and chocolate and champange in the NSC so get on over and enjoy. Dont worry we'll keep some for you for later Squirrel. think you need some

Thank you for your kind messages everyone, its nice to know I'm not completely barking (maybe a bit barking but not completely)

Oh, and yes, tarantuless, (please get a new one) I do tidy too much, dp tells me I'm bordering on having a obsessive compulsive disorder, but then he would be happy living in his own S**T until he was neck high in the stuff!

Hi Squirrel, just a quick message to say that I can totally relate to what you say about the house, I am exactly the same when anyone comes to stay including the stepkids, my family, friends etc. Its always nice to have your house back after, its just that kids do make more mess than grown up visitors dont they? "Reclaim" was definately the wrong word, but you shouldn't have been shot down for that, especially after acknowledging it. This site is for asking for advice from people in similar situations and sometimes I feel that people who dont know or understand have an opinion when they cannot relate. Us who know you and your situation know it wasnt meant in malice. You are a fab stepmum hon xxx

Squirrel, I tried to acknowledge your posts giving more background to your OP in my last post. There's no need to be rude.

Interested in what you say about the emoticons as well - obviously some misunderstanding there.

Perhaps the reason we clashed is because you are super-tidy and I'm, err, not so don't grasp the need that some people have to have their environment perfect?

I guess this reflects some of the different perspectives we have sometimes on this site. Or just as likely, how the same written words can be differently read by us all! Personally I didn't find anything rude at all in what Squirrel wrote, but I did find some of the earlier replies a bit judgemental. So I guess I'm either thick skinned or thin skinned - lol!

PS - I find the boys a great excuse for the house being a mess rather than admit I'm not the most house proud!

Hi squirrel - have just read this thread and can totally see where your coming from. Its a shame you seem to have received an earbashing from some less understanding people.

I joined this site to try and find people in similar situations to help me understand my own a bit better - being quite a new stepmum. Us stepmums seem to get a bad press from the outset and get accused of allsorts, we're expected to take a back seat on decisions and choices but do all the other mumsy stuff (cooking, washing, cleaning etc) and just 'accept' things and in doing this you can feel like your losing the plot and your own identity to a certain degree so we find little and mostly unnoticed ways of coping - getting your house back to normal is one of my traits too. Infact my other half things I am verging on the obsessive compulsive thing too. My mum on the other hand wishes I had been more like it as a child because my bedroom was like a bombsite !!!

Squirrel - I totally understand where you're coming from, and didn't take the emoticons the wrong way at all and agree with you loop the loop didn't find anything rude in your response, but thought some of the others were too judgemental. I am 8 months PG and have 3 stepchildren aged between 3 and 10.( V V V tired right now!!) I too do the post kids tidy up. It's not because I hate them and want to erase them from my life, it's becasue generally there is crap everywhere, we have a small house, and I don't want to break my neck tripping over it! We do tell them to tidy their own toys away, ans generally they do bless them but often they get forgotten. It's not for anyone to judge other people's behaviour however OCD it may seem. You obviously provide a caring and loving environment for the stepkids ( as do I) and that is the most important thing.

Squirrel - I totally understand where you're coming from, and didn't take the emoticons the wrong way at all and agree with you loop the loop didn't find anything rude in your response, but thought some of the others were too judgemental. I am 8 months PG and have 3 stepchildren aged between 3 and 10.( V V V tired right now!!) I too do the post kids tidy up. It's not because I hate them and want to erase them from my life, it's becasue generally there is crap everywhere, we have a small house, and I don't want to break my neck tripping over it! We do tell them to tidy their own toys away, ans generally they do bless them but often they get forgotten. It's not for anyone to judge other people's behaviour however OCD it may seem. You obviously provide a caring and loving environment for the stepkids ( as do I) and that is the most important thing.

whoops sorry for double post.