first time having step-children to stay - would you welcome some instructions/helpful hints?

[mistressmiggins]

Cant believe I have gone from "suspect H having affair" to "H having dinner with mistress" to "access for H when gone off after affair" to "husband about to move into SECOND home with mistress in 5 mths"

doesnt matter how I feel - I realise that
I just want to make my children's life as easy as possible

so....when they eventually go to H's new love nest with HER, would they appreciate a list of likes & dislikes, routines etc or should I just let them get on with it?

bearing in mind that when H lived with us, I did 95% of childcare, and his new gf has no children, I am concerned for my children.

think H has been lulled into false sense of security cos taken kdis to his parents for 3 weekends & had no problems (so they all say)

But this has been familiar house, and doting grandparetns

H's new house with gf (who by the way he has still to mention to the children) is completely different

mm - I know it's very hard for you but please try not to beat yourself up so much. 5 months is a long time away

If I were you, I wouldn't let them go overnight at the start but build up to it gradually - say let them go for an afternoon for a few weeks, then a whole day etc. And no, I don't think they'll need a list of likes/dislikes but I'd tell the children that they need to speak up about these things themselves

I would also tell them myself about his gf if I were you - if he tells them himself you won't hear the truth about their reaction

I wouldn't worry too much about her having no children - I don't have any either, there's no reason why that should stop her from doing the job properly

no H wants this to happen NOW

I meant 5 mths ago I had a husband living at home & now hes moved in with her & wants the kids every fortnight for 2 nights

he hasnt even TOLD thje children about her and when I said this, he simply said "OK I'll tell them next time I see them"
I think his idea was pick kids up, drive back to new home where sSHE will be waiting to meet them

His new home is 2 1/2 hrs away

DS is nrly 4
DD is 22 mths so cant exactly speak up for herself

sorry my tone sounds awful

I appreciate your reply NAAM especailly the telling DS myself - I didnt know what to do

my DD just wont have a clue whats going on

agree with NAAM to build it up gradually
getting used to the other woman etc

when routine is established I would leave them too it and enjoy the peace to be honest

Oh I see, sorry I misunderstood you

Well in that case if I were you I'd definitely tell them before he does. If you're right and he is expecting to just pick them up and have her waiting at the other end when they don't know about her that's well out of order - it'll be far too much of a shock to them. Shame on him for even thinking of doing this

And it certainly does matter how you feel. Maybe not to him but it does to us here on MN and it will to your children too