Hiya - new to site

[Scary32]

Hello been recommended this site by a mate. Been reading some of your chats - nice to see I'm not the only person on planet with some of these problems!!

Not new to step-parenting though - got 2 dsd's and 1 dss. All lived with us for last 7 years but 18months ago dsd1 (age 14) went to live back with her bm. And there the fun really started!! Bm has always tried to cause as much trouble as possible, but now has a rebellious teenager to do it through. She always claims to love her dad & me very much but when the other 2 go there to visit she provides stories of being cruelly treated by her dad and made to do all housework etc. Really crazy things. The worry is it is all being validated by bm who loves the drama and I feel that she now believes these things. Her visits are few and far between although we always see her close to her birthday & Xmas and whenever she does visit there is constant pressure on dp to spend money on her. This really annoys me as we have received £20 in total in 7 years of bringing them up from bm.

It has now got to point where it is impossible to talk with dp about her without a row and I hate her visits and resent her, although I know too well that this is not good on my part. She has just sent a message saying that she's coming this weekend and now I'm dreading Mother's Day. I have always tried my best to be a good sm and to be easy-going but this is really hard.

Hello and welcome to Mumsnet

You'll find lots of support on here. Hope your weekend is going OK - do try to grit your teeth and smile, I know it's hard. At her age, it won't be long before she goes through the stage where you'll hardly see her at all, and it also won't be long before she's an adult and will realise what you did for her - then she'll have lots more respect for you and will appreciate you far more

Hello Scary and welcome.
Sorry you're having a tough time.I can't offer advice I'm afraid but there are plenty who can and will.
Bear in mind that's it's a bit quiet at the w/end,so don't worry if you don't get too much of a respnse. You can of course 'bump' your message up periodically.

Hello

You have far more experience than me as a stepmother..but each new problem makes you feel like a novice. I can understand how you must feel, about these crazy stories your dsd is making up...mine does the same...every time one of her friends or relatives comes to the house, I was worrying what they must be thinking of me..from what she has been telling them..

I don't think there is anything you can do about it. I have been trying to make my dsd see other peoples viewpoints when ever I can...maybe we are watching eastenders, and I bring up a discussion about a situation and say why do you think the parent is doing that? what do you think she believes? do you think that's right?

It's a start, and if you put your viewpoint across as well . x just an idea.....I know it's hard but she has been with you for 7 years, was it all bad? or did you have a good relationship with her?

It's worth checking out the teenager talk site...sometimes its nice to see that natural mothers have the same issues to deal with!