Where do your dsds sleep when they are with you?

[reddaisy]

Until we had our own DC my DSD had her own double room. We have since had two DC and for three years DD had the small room.

We have now got DS, 11months who is a terrible sleeper. DD and DS were supposed to share the big room but DS wakes repeatedly and was waking DD up. So DD, 3, and DSD, 16, now share a room and DS is in the cot in the little room. But DH wants me to move DS back in with DD as soon as he sleeps better as he thinks DSD needs her own space.

I agree that a 16yo should have some privacy and in an ideal world they would all have their own room but I think it isn't worth the disruption and DSD should share with DD. But what do you all do? She is with us Eow and one night a week. DD doesn't wake her up in the mornings at the weekend, she creeps out and finds us and DSD gets up when she wants so that isn't an issue. In the evenings we have always hung out downstairs in the living room anyway. So what do you think and what do you all do?

My DSC have their own rooms, as does my DD.

Do you have the kind of relationship with your DSD that you could ask her opinion. In an ideal world I think she should have her own space, but she might not even care.

My DSD would say she didn't mind but I know at her age that I would have wanted my own space. She does get to use the room that DS sleeps in during the day just not at night time. The problem is that even when DS sleeps through (no sign yet) he would probably wake DD up as he starts the day at 6am and she gets up at 745am so she would wake up at 6am too.

I don`t mind my DC sharing a room I just want everyone to get some sleep!!!

You have too many children for the number of rooms in your house. Move.

And you have got too much time on your hands if all you can do is post unconstructive "advice" on an internet forum. Jog on.

You have an insoluble problem unless you find more bedrooms. Which implies either moving or getting rid of a child.

Anyway, seems to me that the sensible thing is for ds and dad to continue to share a room.

My DSS shares with my DS, but the age gap is a lot less (9 and 12). I think sharing when you're 16 with a 3 year old is a little tough - must make it hard for DSD to have friends back, or for your DD to spread toys all over the floor like 3 year olds like to do. Whereas a 1 and a 3 year old sharing for the next couple of years ought to be OK.

I would put your younger two back together once DS is sleeping through and move one of them out to the small room once DSD leaves home. You could try putting your DS down to bed a bit later so that he doesn't wake up so early.

feel free to ignore the above poster OP

I think it sounds fine for the girls to share. I shared a room with my much you get sister and had no problems. Lots of siblings share rooms, and on a permanent basis let alone a few nights a fortnight.

Sorry above poster being the bored French lady

Could ds be in your room the nights that dsd stays but the rest of the time in his own room?

I don't think DS should have to be moved around when DSD arrives. To be honest, too, that will only make it tougher to create a routine and gets him to sleep through!

It'd be nice for DSD to have her own room (the smaller one, obviously), especially given the ages, and maybe down the road DS will be sleeping brilliantly and you'll want to re-examnine the set-up. But it certainly sounds like right now the girls should be sharing!

My sisters and I always shared rooms. That was just the reality of the situation, and although we obviously knew friends who had their own rooms and would have loved the privacy, etc - it didn't do us any actual harm to share and in fact maybe it is part of why we are so close today.

Perhaps you can find a way to give DSD some extra sense of privacy within the existing set-up, whether by adding some high shelving or a locked desk to the room, or even finding a corner of the house which she can hide away in when she feels like she needs to be alone...

"finding more bedrooms"...ha! And no, one doesn't "have too many children" if one isn't able to give each one a private room...

Thanks for all the constructive advice. When DS slept in with us (which he did until about a month ago) he woke even more frequently than he does now and would stand up in his cot and scream because he could see us. Which is why we put him into DSDs room in the first place. It would probably be easier to move DD in with us when DSD is with us as DD is the better sleeper but it seems a bit silly to be chopping and changing the sleeping arrangements all the time. I do feel for DSD and we do move DD out if she wants a friend over and she hasnt complained I just wondered what the norm was with stepchildren who arent there all the time.

brdgrl - thanka for your post which sums up how I feel but DH feels differently and I do understand why. DSD has the little room during the day and she is allowed to use our room during the evening if she wants to but usually she is sociable and hangs out with us and always has done. I think I will review it when DS sleeps through but even then I don't fancy enduring the rigmarole of getting them both (DD and DS) to go to sleep at bedtime if they are sharing a room particularly as the majority of the time DSDs room would be empty. Hmm.

No good moving ds into your room then!! I have got 2 siblings plus 2 half siblings and 2 step siblings do there never really was enough room for us all so we always did have to share if we going to stay with my dad, i actualIy didn't mind sharing. I would just speak to dsd and see but it does sound like you are giving her lots of privacy and if your dd does just come straight out in the morning am sure she will be fine and hopefully soon ds will be sleeping through

Maybe we should speak to her to say we realise it isn't ideal but we feel it is the best solution for now so at least her feelings are heard. I don't want her to feel pushed out and she might not see the situation as logically as adults do.

yes, speak to her about it, i'm sure she will appreciate that her feelings are being considered that way.

My sis has a DSD aged 17 who stays EOW and one over night, - they have recently made her bedroom more of a neutral (as opposed to shocking pink) room so that they can also accommodate her young adult son on occasion (when she isn't there obv).

It was all discussed very fairly and she was absolutely fine about it, in fact wanted the DS to have somewhere to sleep when he needed to, and not to feel like he was in her space.

All very mature it was.

Fortunately DDs room isn't all pink and twee so DSD isn't in an overtly childish bedroom and most of her toys are stored downstairs.