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Step-parenting

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Ds 4 being nasty to step mum

8 replies

prettywhiteguitar · 31/08/2012 12:47

That's it really, ex and partner have been together for as long as ds can remember and I found out from ex today that ds has being making snide comments to his step mum that she's not his friend.

He is going through a 'phase' at the mo of being a bit rude about girls but apparently this has been building up over the year.

I want to knock this on the head as far as I'm concerned as his step mum is excellent and is the only reason ds has a stable family home with his dad. Ex is useless, and she puts him to bed and looks after him while ex is working, now this maybe the reason ds is funny with her but they don't have much choice.

Now I thought perhaps if I said positive things about her I might encourage ds to have a better relationship and look at her in a more positive light, what does anyone think ?

Not only that I don't like ds having this attitude towards a woman who is looking after him, sisterhood and all that. I just feel for her having him every other weekend not knowing if he's going to be mean or not. I know what he can be like ! Summer hols have been hard for me !! He can be so lovely and I want him to be like that for her

Sorry it's long

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prettywhiteguitar · 31/08/2012 12:48

Sorry ds is 4years old not the fourth child

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WkdSM · 31/08/2012 15:32

Wow - I have no words of wisdom but can I just say that I wish my DH's exW had had this sort of attitude / response.

I suppose all you can do at 4 years old is correct him if he says anything to you. Maybe (in front of him) tell SM that you know he has been a bit rude and you are not happy about it - and will be asking her when you pick him up if he has been OK. That way he will know anything he does will work it's way back to you.

prettywhiteguitar · 31/08/2012 19:52

Yeah, thing is we've done that before and he's still carried on, I've talked to him before about it which is why I was surprised he was still doing it.

I think ex was just trying to deal with it, so anyway I've had a word with ds ( he is almost 5 so old enough to know what he's doing) and said step mum is my friend and that I like her and that I hope he will like her too, we agreed on a story that she will like to read to him . Hopefully a positive chat about her now and again will help him deal with it himself.

I'm just terrified that she will give up on him and start to dislike him and then break up with ex and then he will end up with another step mum not as nice (so totally selfish reasons)

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eslteacher · 01/09/2012 20:55

Its really nice to read this post!

Well, I think it will count fodifferencer the step mum to feel supported and to know that neither you or her DP condone her DSS saying not nice things to her, and that some effort is being made in the area. And it would be lovely for her to know how much you appreciate her...one of the worst things about step parenting is the thanklesness of it at times. Knowing I have the support and friendship of my DP's ex has counted for a LOT. I just don't know how step mums who are in the polar opposite situation get through it all, I am in awe.

Ultimately its probably your ex and not you who can make the most difference to curbing DSS's comments while she is around though. The two/three of you should definitely agree on a united front in terms of how you deal with it.

eslteacher · 01/09/2012 20:58

Argh, phone. I wanted to say 'count for a lot' but I think I must have switched to 'make a difference' halfway through.

prettywhiteguitar · 08/09/2012 18:36

Thanks riverboat I think you are right it is ds's dad's responsibility, I have passed on my commiserations to his step mum through him though ! and he seems happy with that, ds is being reminded too of being polite and nice to people and how lucky he is that she is so lovely

Will just keep trying to support her

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GroupieGirl · 08/09/2012 18:51

I have nothing constructive to say, just wanted to add that this thread made me happy, it's nice to read positive things about "blended" family members. Smile

prettywhiteguitar · 08/09/2012 19:21

Believe me it's taken a lot to get there!! And I have a very lovely and patient Dp

We can all talk and be honest with each other, I really wanted it to be amicable so I have forgiven a lot of the past (not forgotten though!!)

Ds even got both parents to walk him to his first day of school, 'twas strange but he was happy

I thought our family splitting up was the worst thing ever to happen to me , but in reality we are all so happy now

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